Not getting anywhere!!
My unrelenting dreams continue with the same themes, and get even more bizarre if that's possible. Basically I'm always working my ass off to arrive somewhere, and never getting there. This morning I woke up at 3 a.m. totally exhausted. My heart was racing, and I was literally short of breath.
To give you some idea
...night before last I was somehow invited to help Adrian at his work for a day only to find on the way there that I had forgotten my work boots. Having once worked at the same place I knew they wouldn't let me work without them, so I rushed back home so as not to embarrass him by being late. Rushing didn't work, as every corner I turned just brought me to dead ends, and closed off roads. Somehow I ended up on my bike, but still to no avail. Despite all the furious pedalling I could deliver, I could not get any closer to home. I had pretty well conceded defeat before I woke up.
...last night was even weirder. I was at a strange kind of race, one that began with a mass bike start. That is itself would be insanity, but never the less that's what I was faced with. Somehow I knew that the race was only a tuneup for me, and so I decided to hang back at the start. Just as well because I quickly realized that I didn't have any water. After I half ass corrected that (a Costco bottle with no lid), and was finally ready to be the last guy out on the course, I remember clearly looking at that vacant spot on my handlebars where my bike computer was supposed to be mounted! Idiot! Regardless I headed out on my bike without it, but only to quickly find myself on the next portion of the race. And while any normal dream would have transitioned me to running or maybe even swimming, that was not to be. What did I find myself doing, and of course doing with reckless abandon? Climbing! Yup climbing as fast as I could, and then back down in the same fashion. Of course you're thinking maybe I'm climbing a hill, or some steps, or a ladder, or maybe even a building? Nope! That's for normal dreamers. You'll be delighted to know that with every bit of skill and athleticism I possess, and with every bit of energy and commitment, I was climbing a clothes rack!!
A seemingly endless wire rack which reminded me of the type of thing you would see at an event as display shelving. I clearly remember tearing things out of my way as I flew up and down the shelves. Then I woke up!!
And as to analyzing all this nonsense I suspect it's all about growing older, and facing self doubt. Maybe even some issues of self worth. It feels like there's things left undone, and until I either get them done, or learn to accept them for what they are, that I'll continue to wrestle with them. The recurring themes of my dreams definitely involve my children, my work, and my triathlon, the last I believe just being a metaphor for my health.
I'm gonna explore that I bit more, and focus initially on the easy part---getting undone stuff done. Then I'll work on the "things I cannot change".
And as to my day you may recall that I predicted it would be a good one, and I suppose perhaps that would make it was a self fulfilling kind of thing. It hinged a little bit on how my long run was gonna go, and I am happy to report an event free 25 kms. I was extremely tired from a sleepless night which would explain my slow pace, but the most important thing was that I felt normal again. This was the quickest recovery yet from my recent series of problems, and I'm pretty sure it's because I used my brain a little more this time. Other than in my dreams, I backed off when things didn't feel right.
run 25 kms, 5:25/km
"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."---George Bernard Shaw
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress."---Frederick Douglass
My unrelenting dreams continue with the same themes, and get even more bizarre if that's possible. Basically I'm always working my ass off to arrive somewhere, and never getting there. This morning I woke up at 3 a.m. totally exhausted. My heart was racing, and I was literally short of breath.
To give you some idea
...night before last I was somehow invited to help Adrian at his work for a day only to find on the way there that I had forgotten my work boots. Having once worked at the same place I knew they wouldn't let me work without them, so I rushed back home so as not to embarrass him by being late. Rushing didn't work, as every corner I turned just brought me to dead ends, and closed off roads. Somehow I ended up on my bike, but still to no avail. Despite all the furious pedalling I could deliver, I could not get any closer to home. I had pretty well conceded defeat before I woke up.
...last night was even weirder. I was at a strange kind of race, one that began with a mass bike start. That is itself would be insanity, but never the less that's what I was faced with. Somehow I knew that the race was only a tuneup for me, and so I decided to hang back at the start. Just as well because I quickly realized that I didn't have any water. After I half ass corrected that (a Costco bottle with no lid), and was finally ready to be the last guy out on the course, I remember clearly looking at that vacant spot on my handlebars where my bike computer was supposed to be mounted! Idiot! Regardless I headed out on my bike without it, but only to quickly find myself on the next portion of the race. And while any normal dream would have transitioned me to running or maybe even swimming, that was not to be. What did I find myself doing, and of course doing with reckless abandon? Climbing! Yup climbing as fast as I could, and then back down in the same fashion. Of course you're thinking maybe I'm climbing a hill, or some steps, or a ladder, or maybe even a building? Nope! That's for normal dreamers. You'll be delighted to know that with every bit of skill and athleticism I possess, and with every bit of energy and commitment, I was climbing a clothes rack!!
A seemingly endless wire rack which reminded me of the type of thing you would see at an event as display shelving. I clearly remember tearing things out of my way as I flew up and down the shelves. Then I woke up!!
And as to analyzing all this nonsense I suspect it's all about growing older, and facing self doubt. Maybe even some issues of self worth. It feels like there's things left undone, and until I either get them done, or learn to accept them for what they are, that I'll continue to wrestle with them. The recurring themes of my dreams definitely involve my children, my work, and my triathlon, the last I believe just being a metaphor for my health.
I'm gonna explore that I bit more, and focus initially on the easy part---getting undone stuff done. Then I'll work on the "things I cannot change".
And as to my day you may recall that I predicted it would be a good one, and I suppose perhaps that would make it was a self fulfilling kind of thing. It hinged a little bit on how my long run was gonna go, and I am happy to report an event free 25 kms. I was extremely tired from a sleepless night which would explain my slow pace, but the most important thing was that I felt normal again. This was the quickest recovery yet from my recent series of problems, and I'm pretty sure it's because I used my brain a little more this time. Other than in my dreams, I backed off when things didn't feel right.
run 25 kms, 5:25/km
"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."---George Bernard Shaw
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress."---Frederick Douglass
Love
Peter
I can't help but wonder if there's not a direct connection to your physical concerns. If your heart rate was racing, was that the reason for the dreams, rather than the other way around? I still feel like they're missing something physical that's going awry, and causing these extremes...awake and/or asleep?
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you clarity to take to the Dr to help sort it; and love, lots of love