"Don't Leave Me"

I'll be back in the new year I promise.  Just need a bit of a break.
I'm actually proud of myself that I overcame my anal compulsive need to post something every day.

Love
Peter

"All Christams'd Out"

Five days, 3 dinners, 6 kids hockey games.....and tomorrow's Colby's birthday!....oh and 2 more hockey games!

But like anything else, maintaining a strong family requires an investment.  I'm good with that.

Also I am really looking forward to 2015!  I can get back to whining about my health.

computrainer, 90 mins, 60 mins @ 151

"Goodness is the only investment that never fails."---Henry David Thoreau

Love

Peter

"But That Was Yesterday"

And yesterday's gone!

Love
Peter

"Men in Black"

I'm pretty blessed!  They ain't perfect but neither am I.  I'm still very proud.  It was a day of rest for me, followed by boys night out.  I feel peaceful.

Love
Peter

"Tis The Season"

 Since we didn't have any formal family stuff going on today it was a day of introspection and thought. In the spirit of the season I decided to make it  time of forgiveness.

I made a mental list of all those people who had wronged me either in actual fact or in my imagination and then I made one big clean sweep of all those wrongs.  I remembered my parents, my spouse, all 11 of my siblings, all 4 of my children, every boss and co-worker I ever had, my favourite priest Farrell, my favourite nun Michaela, my friends, my neighbours, hell even Lance Armstrong, and Stephen Harper!

And although that seems like a pretty long list, all of that forgiveness took me about 10 minutes.

The problem is that as I remembered all of those people and the injustices they committed on yours truly, I couldn't help but remember all the things I did to them as well.  With the exception perhaps of Harper and Armstrong, who I never ever did nothing to!!  And in actual fact I don't think I ever abused the priest or the nun in any way either, but with my new found commitment to forgiveness I have to stop ranting about that pair of assholes.....whoops.  Sorry!

Anyway, the point is that when I was reminded of all the bad shit I did to people over the years (again, real or imagined) it occurred to me that maybe it would be okay to forgive myself as well.  Well I can tell you that this exercise was quite a bit more demanding, and although I made good progress, by days end I still had some work to do.  I did however come to the conclusion that the hardest things to forgive yourself for are not the straightforward stupid things like spanking your children when they were little, or breaking a confidence of some kind.  They are easy because they're tangible.  You screwed up, you stopped doing it, life goes on.  The hard ones are those where you feel guilty and yet you don't know what you might have done differently.  Often they are decisions you made out of fear, insecurity, and ignorance, and like I said, often you have not even wronged someone other than in your imagination.

So I don't know if any of that rambling made any sense at all so I'll summarize.   I had an excellent day, unburdened myself to a great extent, but still have a bit of work o do.  Which is good cause I still have time to do it in.

run 10 kms, 5;26/km

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future."---Bernard Meltzer

Love
Peter

"Twas The Night Before Christmas"

And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring...

But outside the wind was blowing like freakin mad, and if any shingles blow off they can just effing well stay off!

Merry Christmas all!

computrainer 90 mins, 60 mins @163

Love
Peter

"Coming To Terms"

Despite all the testing and all the analysis it's probably just gonna come down to acceptance.  I was never a natural athlete in any regard, and now that my body is on the inevitable decline that comes with age, it's only gonna get worse.  I found something I really enjoy in triathlon, and while I always given it the best I have, the fact remains that I ain't gonna set any world records....in any age group!

What does it come down to then?  I suppose only the standards I set for myself, and that's where I need to do some soul searching.  If my body is changing quicker than I would like, it isn't going to help any to continue trying to deny it.  Maybe I just need to slow down!!

Today I focused on a long gradual warmup again, and while it definitely seemed to help again, it by no means completely compensated for the way I feel. I managed to get my run in by starting out at a pace not not much quicker than a brisk walk, but even at that I struggled briefly at about 3 kms and had to focus on slowing down again.  The first 7 kms was the slowest I have ever run in my life!!  Regardless I ran for 15 kms and pace be damned!

run 15 kms, 5:38/km

"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance."---Nathaniel Branden

....and this one's pretty good...

"My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations."---Michael J Fox

Love
Peter

:"Odds and Ends"

I decided to take the day completely off.  It a a shame because it was an absolutely gorgeous day for running.  Oh well.  Still gonna be warm tomorrow.

I thought my life was complete until I heard the Jimi Hendrix version of Little Drummer Boy today!  Fabulous!  It is actually an instrumental medley of several christmas hymns.  Very cool.

Speaking of dead musicians, I'm very sad to hear that Joe Cocker joined that group today.  I suppose it's a small miracle that he lived to be 70 considering the way he lived.  I suppose he got by with a little help from his friends. :)

And that brings us to iconic, still living musicians.  Although he has turned pretty weird in his old age  the "Madman Across The Water", was always one of my favourites.  Elton John just got married.  Way to go Rocketman!

North Korea didn't do it, but they promise more of it!!  Good one Kim!

One of the major fringe benefits of having a grandson is that you can buy all kinds of shit that you wished they had, and/or that you couldn't afford, when you were a kid.  My grandson has a birthday 4 days after Xmas so it's a doubly super time for me.  I feel like a little kid just waiting.

I'm afraid I'm getting fat.   I need to seriously get a grip on my eating habits!  Soon!  Very soon!  Like not tomorrow, but soon!  Maybe right after Xmas??

I had coffee this morning with 2 very dear. long time former coworkers who are of an age with me, and who both retired recently as well.  They both have technical backgrounds as well, and it occurs to me that that technical history may leave one much better prepared for retirement.  Like me, neither one of them is at a loss for stuff to do.

Speaking of stuff to do, Roo asked me the other day to build something for her Mom, and my spontaneous reaction to the request made me realize how much I appreciate my mother-in-law.  She raised nine kids in circumstances that I have gradually come to realize make my own upbringing seem idyllic.

I'm telling you this next part not to get any credit but rather so that I can confess my selfishness.  I made a resolve this year to never pass a Salvation Army kettle without putting something in it.  Furthermore I decided it was always gonna be bills.  Even though they are a religious organization I suspect that they actually put more of their donations to good use than any of the rest of them, so I'm kinda partial to them.  Anyway, the part I want to talk about is the way I feel every time I put some money in their bucket.  I feel selfish.  Because of my rule, sometimes I'm disappointed that all I have is a twenty...no fives or tens.  Sometimes I think about the fact that I can't get a tax receipt.  Sometimes I wish I could get a pat on the back, although I know none is warranted.  I think some of my thinking is distorted.  Why these negative thoughts?  It confuses me.....

And despite that, and finally for today, I am feeling more grateful than ever for the joys in my life.  Chatting with my buddies this morning, both of whom have also travelled to some of the worlds shit holes, I was reminded once again of how some people live.  One of the guys told a story of whole families (mom, dad, kids) digging trenches in the dirt of India, using only improvised tools.  This labour got them enough money just to buy food.  The trench they were digging was to bury high speed fibre optic cable to supply the state of the art automotive plant being built!  My freaking god eh??  It confuses me...

And that's really it!

Three more sleeps...well actually only two for us cause we're gonna start a day early!!

"Before I came here I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture I am still confused. But on a higher level."---Enrico Fermi

Love 

Peter

"I'm Tired"

But okay tired. 

Looking forward to Christmas.  So many people to love, and so many special days to celebrate them!

computrainer 90 mins, 60 mins @147 watts

"Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas."---Dale Evans

Love

Peter

"Test Case of One"

I know that any reasonable experiment needs to include a large subject group in order to have some validity.  Or in the case of a solitary subject, then a number of repeated tests is called for.  So far I have one test, of one subject, namely me!  And since I don't give a shit about anyone but me, I will continue to be the only subject.

But I'm pleased to say that my very first test seemed to support my hypothesis, and so I will continue to monitor under the same conditions.

I spent about 15 minutes in the kitchen and in the garage, gradually building my heart rate, and then again when I did start running I ran very, very slowly.  I think it was a success, although I admit I felt a bit tired throughout.  That of course could be just exactly what it felt like, tiredness, perhaps even compounded by the drugs I've been taking.  Regardless I'm quite happy that I didn't have an episode of any kind, and in fact gradually increased my speed to something near normal.

And since I'm tired I'm glad to be saved from dreaming up a long post by my old friend, the Internet. I found this priceless bit of wisdom on CNN. It was the result of a contest held by a couple of guys who wrote a book called "Atheist Heart, Humanist Mind.". Their challenge to their readers was to come up with a list of ten Non-Commandments to live by. This was the result.


1. Be open-minded and be willing to alter your beliefs with new evidence.

2. Strive to understand what is most likely to be true, not to believe what you wish to be true.

3. The scientific method is the most reliable way of understanding the natural world.

4. Every person has the right to control of their body.

5. God is not necessary to be a good person or to live a full and meaningful life.

6. Be mindful of the consequences of all your actions and recognize that you must take responsibility for them.

7. Treat others as you would want them to treat you, and can reasonably expect them to want to be treated. Think about their perspective.

8. We have the responsibility to consider others, including future generations.

9. There is no one right way to live.

10. Leave the world a better place than you found it.

I'm gonna print it out and hang it by my bed!!!  After all, the 10 that  I learned from Sister Michaela, were all either mindlessly stupid, or mindlessly easy!  I wish I could say the same for the above 10, as I admit to struggling with just above every one of them every day!   I rest my case.

And I must admit that I had to look up the catholic version of the ten commandments, probably since I haven't looked at them for 45 years.  To say I was shocked how simply silly they are, would be an understatement.  I find it hard to believe that so many people consider these ten simple, often repetitive phrases, a complete guide to live by.....just saying...

run 20 kms, 5:27/km

"I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless there's a game on"---Steve martin

"It is said that from Mount Sinai God gave, amid thunderings and lightnings, ten commandments for the guidance of mankind; and yet among them is not found Thou shalt believe The Bible"---Robert Green Ingersoll"

Love

Peter

"And I Got My Attitude"

Despite the significant frustration I've been going through I'm proud of the fact that my attitude always prevails in the end.  While I don't know any more today than I did yesterday, I'm feeling relatively resolved.  I know that I have to face this new reality, and also that the sooner I do so the better.  I am still right on track for an Ironman next summer, and while occasionally I let my mind wander to the idea of going as a spectator, it doesn't stay there very long.  I do acknowledge that unless something changes that this will probably be my last one, but at this point there is no reason to give up on 2014.  After all, I already paid my money!!!

And I'm looking forward to a little experiment tomorrow, based on my decent ride today.   While it wasn't record setting it was once more neutral from a heart rate perspective.  In other words, what should happen, happened.

The hypothesis of my experiment will be that a very gradual increase in heart rate is an effective way of preventing the crazy spikes I often get while running.

While it is so easy to control this while riding, or even swimming, the transition from walking to running is an abrupt one, causing my rate to go up by 30-40 beats within 30 seconds.

The ideal way to soften this transition would be to warm up on the bike and then move immediately into my run.  However that's difficult to do in the winter time because of the sweating problem.  I'm thinking about calisthenics in the garage maybe?

As a point of interest I am notoriously bad at not warming up before triathlons, and as a matter of fact  at Mont Tremblant last Aug, I never even got into the water before the start!  (it was too freakin cold)

As to the drugs they definitely helped me sleep better, but unfortunately that feeling lasted half way through the day.  It's now 7:30 and I haven't decided if I'm gonna take one tonite....hmmmm?

computrainer 90 mins, 60 mins @161 watts

"The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up."---John C Maxwell

Love
Peter

"Got My Drugs"

What else matters eh?  Certainly not my workout today which was practically non-existent.  I tried, but gave it up real quickly.  Tomorrow I will ride again, and if that works out I'm gonna have to figure out why.  Ever since this problem started I have rarely had problems while riding.  I'm speculating that perhaps it's because my heart rate increase is so much slower and gradual.  Maybe, just maybe, there's an opportunity there.  Stay tuned.

walk/jog 5 kms

"I hope everyone that is reading this is having a really good day. And if you are not, just know that in every new minute that passes you have an opportunity to change that."---Gillian Anderson

Love
Peter

"Out of The Cage"

And into the basement!

And glad of it actually.

While for the last several months I've been uncertain how any specific workout is gonna go, I do think that more recently I'm better able to predict.  Heading down to my bike I was relatively confident that I was back out of the funk of the last few days, and indeed it went okay.

I don't know what the future is gonna hold for me but the one thing I'm pretty sure of is that it will be different.  Whatever comes out of this is gonna require some adjustment, and I might as well start now.  And while I know that over analysis can be counter productive in itself I think that for now the situation warrants some close observation.  I need to plan my workouts around the reality.

I'm also a bit reluctant o tell you this, but it's also gonna require some short term help in the way of pharmaceuticals.  I have resisted this step for several weeks but the other night I couldn't handle it any more, and so I called the doctor in the morning.  I will ask him for drugs to help me combat the extreme anxiety I experience when my body fails me.  I'm sure it's a combination of several things including of course the lack of exercise, but also the fear I start to experience when my chest tightens up.  And while this may not be the macho approach, I am convinced that it's the smart one.

And on top of my workout I had an excellent day overall.  First off, Roo and I had the opportunity to attend the kids Christmas concert and to enjoy some informal dialogue with their teachers afterward.  I don't think there is any thing more gratifying than listening to someone sing the praises of your grandchildren.  It reminded me one more time what a great job their Mom is doing, and also reminded me once more how lucky we are to be such a big part of their lives.  It's really cool for both Roo and I to be recognized by so many at Sparta Public School, as the grandparents of Colby and Kylie.  After that we took the two of them out to do their shopping which was another treat.  To see the pleasure they got out of buying and wrapping stuff for their loved ones near brought tears to my eyes.  Then Colby did manage to make me overflow when on anticipating others opening things he picked out for them he said, and I quote, "now I really can't wait for Christmas"!!!  Wow!!!

And as I sat in that little gym at the kids school today for some reason I was reminded once again that I live in what is arguably the best country in the world.  No lunatics showed up with machine guns,  nor did any mad suicide bombers screaming their religion.  I don't need to look any further than any American news site to realize I would never even want to live in the world of our great neighbour to the south. let alone places like Pakistan, Syria, Russia, to name a few.  Thank you Mom and Dad!!!

And that's it.  I hope to have a decent run in the morning, and then wish me luck at the doctors.

Computrainer 75 mins, 60 mins @ 170 watts

"Luck is believing you're lucky."---Tennessee Williams

Love
Peter

"Cold and Caged"

I felt a little like this guy today.

Isn't he cute with his pink nose and pink toes?

As I felt like a kindred spirit, I let him go.

After that I took my own advice and went to the pool.  Glad to do something.

swim, 1000 metres

"To be human is to keep rattling the bars of the cage of existence, hollering, 'What's it for?'"---Robert Fulghum

Love

Peter

"Up And Down Day Two"

I'm quite proud of myself actually because I've managed to stay up most of the day, despite the fact that someone turned my power switch off!  I knew as soon as I started running!   I now have absolutely no doubt that something funny is going on with my heart, and while it pisses me off, it is what it is.  I will continue to do what I can do, and learn to live with what I can't do.  The good thing is that as I move beyond the denial stage I'm learning to make better decisions.  Once I knew it wasn't gonna work today I walked most of the rest of the way back home.

A funny coincidence today was getting an email about a project that U of T is undertaking to study the effects of long term endurance training on heart health.  The accompanying material specifically talks about atrial flutter, and atrial fibrillation.  I'm considering applying.

And while I have stayed positive all day, I'm now ready to download a new book, and go hibernate.  Only 10 more sleeps kids!

...and this is what I'm gonna do...

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart."---Confucius

Love

Peter

"An Up And Down Day"

Sounds like life eh?  Without no downs, there can't be no ups I suppose.  Then again that sounds like a bit of a compromise at best, and at worst, just a cynical attitude.  Why can't it all be up?

And while some might make the challenge that you wouldn't even recognize good feelings without the bad, I figure I'm beyond that point.  I knew damn well  during my workout today, and for several hours afterwards, that I felt good.

Then of course one must consider the possibility that the things one does to feel good in the short term, can have the opposite effect in the long term.  That may explain some of my recent frustrations with my health, as I consider the possibility that my fitness obsessions may have a long term negative consequence?

Or then again. maybe it's all just bullshit and I should just shut up and get on with it...whatever it may be!

Regardless it was still an up and down kind of day, and Michael gave me permission to whine.  I woke up very tired and can again report a myriad of insane dreams which included driving in a winter storm without headlights,  people who could run as fast as cars, and this is the best yet..... calves with extra distorted heads on the ends of extra appendages....very disturbing!!

Then I felt quite a bit better after having breakfast with a friend who thinks he has child problems.  His kids likes to smoke marijuana, and doesn't like to work for a living.  I told him those were all good things!

I also felt quite good throughout my workout, as it was the best kind.  The kind where you start out tentatively, but get stronger and stronger as it wears on.  There is definitely a difference in how my body reacts to riding as opposed to running.  I have to figure that out.  I can also tell you that I'm already ready for summer, so that I can take my bike and disappear form the world for hours at a time.

Then after eating and reading for a bit I fell asleep and have felt crappy ever since.  My chest feels heavy and I feel lethargic.

Life goes on...

I'm gonna wrap some Xmas presents.

computariner 90 mins, 60 mins @ 167 watts

"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet."---Tim Vine

Love
Peter

"To Whine or Not to Whine"

I hate whiners.  Those people who's lives are so filled with misery, and so filled with the need to tell everyone about it.  We all know them.  Complainers about their job, their neighbours, their husband/wife/kids, the government, the weather, the colour of the rainbow etc.!!

Yup!  Lots of people bitching about everything, but I'm sure we can agree that the most annoying of all the whiners are those who bitch about their health.  My throat, my back, my sinuses, my ears. my eyes, my head, my joints, my stomach, my heart, my lungs, my dick, my pussy, .....yadda, yadda, yadda.

I don't want to be one of those people for a couple of reasons.  First because it doesn't generally help at all, and in fact can do the exact opposite.  And secondly, because I just don't like it.  I don't care to listen to someone else's litany of  ills, and I don't care to burden others with mine.

But....I admit that I find it difficult at times to properly report on my life and my training, without sharing my frustrations with my ongoing health.  Please know that when I do, it is not with any intent to solicit sympathy because I really don't care if you don't care.  And furthermore, if It ever sounds like that to you I would encourage you to let me hear about it.  In return I promise that I will try to unemotionally give you the facts as I know them, but also that I will try my best to focus on the positive.

So....the last two days, I felt like crap,  but last night I slept better, and today I felt better.  I hope it's a trend.  Speaking of trends, Roo bought me a nice home blood pressure machine which takes 3 successive readings and averages them, and then saves all the data.  The last couple of days have shown a very positive trend, despite my high level of anxiety.  That's gotta be good news!

And while I was slow, I managed a trouble free 15 kms in moderate weather today.  I'll take it!

run, 15 kms

And I think this is the first time I've ever looked for a "whine" quote.  Not too hard to find!

If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it."---Anthony J D'Angelo

Want to raise children who will be happy adults? Teach them not to whine."---Dennis Prager

You can only whine for so long. Then you need to get your life back."---Marya Hornbacher

Love
Peter

"T.G.I.F."

Easy ride, 45 mins

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."---Meister Eckhart

Love

Peter

"Today I Won"

Some days I won't, but I'm glad to report that my resolve to relax when things don't go well has lasted for at least a day.

I went for a short but nice little swim this morning, and then tried running when I got home.  I lasted for 1 km!!  I walk/jogged the block just to burn a few calories, and that was it!

I managed to keep it all in perspective by reminding myself that 3 of the last 4 days were good, and also by anticipating another good one tomorrow.

I spent the afternoon working on Miguette's latest seniors project, and I think that really helped me.  It had a two fold benefit.  It reminded me that I'm still relatively young, and it made me grateful to be able to do something for someone else.

So I'm good!  Life goes on.

750 m swim, 7.5 km walk/jog

"With confidence, you have won before you have started."---Marcus Garvey

Love
Peter

"Feeling Good"

I'm trying to live in the moment, but of course that's easier when I feel good.  My body's responses remain a mystery to me, but I just need to learn to accept that.  I was hoping to learn something by way of this heart monitor they promised, but it turns out I have to wait until January.

And the level of disappointment I felt when I found that out was not good.  After my initial frustration, I have regrouped and got myself calmed down.   I can't let the anxiety run me.

I was reading an interesting article by a guy who had visited the city of Pripyat, abandoned as a result of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster thirty years ago.  The thing I found interesting were his observations about his own health.  Apparently he had all the right equipment to measure any danger, and while both the equipment, and the experts told him he was completely safe, he never the less started to feel physically ill.  He found it amazing how powerful the fear itself was.  The silent threat he called it.

It reminds me one more time how physical illness can become a self fulfilling prophecy, driven by fear and anxiety.  I am very much an emotional person, and am probably vulnerable to a bit of hypochondria.  I resolve to do better!

And like I said.  Today was a good day.  Probably the best basement ride I have had yet.  And all while watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes!

I always thought that watching movies would be a negative distraction when riding hard, but I've been trying it for the first time this year, and so far I've not found it so.  I think that intense movies are probably the best thing however, so if you got any suggestions let's hear them.

And that's it for today.  Have a good one!

computrainer, 1:45, 1:05 @ 176 watts 

"The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good diseases."---Caskie Stinnett

Love

Peter

"Another Day"

And only sixteen more sleeps til Xmas.  I can't wait!

10 km easy run

Love
Peter

"And One Step Back"

Although I was happy with my run yesterday I still knew it was quite tough.  It wasn't until this morning that I knew how tough.  Despite some more dreams I slept somewhat better, and yet I woke up feeling very, very, sluggish.  As soon as I got on my bike I knew it would be an easy ride day.  I never even bothered to start the computer up, but just rode in manual mode where I control the resistance myself.

It's now 9:00 pm and after an easy day of just for my grandchildren, and relaxing at the mall, I still feel like absolute crap!   Kinda frustrating I gotta say.  Well no!  It mades me madder than fuck actually!!

Deep breath......

But wouldn't it be nice to have just one day where your shoulder didn't throb, and your hips didn't ache, and your throat didn't burn, and your chest didn't feel stomped on?  Isn't it funny how when you're young, you think it's always gonna feel that way...

computrainer easy ride, 75 mins

"Expectation is the mother of all frustration."---Antonio Banderas

Love
Peter

"Going Everywhere"

Not getting anywhere!!

My unrelenting dreams continue with the same themes, and get even more bizarre if that's possible.    Basically I'm always working my ass off to arrive somewhere, and never getting there.  This morning I woke up at 3 a.m. totally exhausted.  My heart was racing, and I was literally short of breath.

To give you some idea

...night before last I was somehow invited to help Adrian at his work for a day only to find on the way there that I had forgotten my work boots.  Having once worked at the same place I knew they wouldn't let me work without them, so I rushed back home so as not to embarrass him by being late.  Rushing didn't work, as every corner I turned just brought me to dead ends, and closed off roads.  Somehow I ended up on my bike, but still to no avail.  Despite all the furious pedalling I could deliver, I could not get any closer to home.  I had pretty well conceded defeat before I woke up.

...last night was even weirder.  I was at a strange kind of race, one that began with a mass bike start.  That is itself would be insanity, but never the less that's what I was faced with.  Somehow I knew that the race was only a tuneup for me, and so I decided to hang back at the start.  Just as well because I quickly realized that I didn't have any water. After I half ass corrected that (a Costco bottle with no lid), and was finally ready to be the last guy out on the course, I remember clearly looking at that vacant spot on my handlebars where my bike computer was supposed to be mounted!  Idiot!  Regardless I headed out on my bike without it, but only to quickly find myself on  the next portion of the race.  And while any normal dream would have transitioned me to running or maybe even swimming, that was not to be.  What did I find myself doing, and of course doing with reckless abandon?  Climbing!  Yup climbing as fast as I could, and then back down in the same fashion.  Of course you're thinking maybe I'm climbing a hill, or some steps, or a ladder, or maybe even a building?  Nope!  That's for normal dreamers.  You'll be delighted to know that with every bit of skill and athleticism I possess, and with every bit of energy and commitment, I was climbing a clothes rack!!
A seemingly endless wire rack which  reminded me of the type of thing you would see at an event as display shelving.  I clearly remember tearing things out of my way as I flew up and down the shelves.  Then I woke up!!

And as to analyzing all this nonsense I suspect it's all about growing older, and facing self doubt.  Maybe even some issues of self worth. It feels like there's things left undone, and until I either get them done, or learn to accept them for what they are, that I'll continue to wrestle with them.  The recurring themes of my dreams definitely involve my children, my work, and my triathlon, the last I believe just being a metaphor for my health.

I'm gonna explore that I bit more, and focus initially on the easy part---getting undone stuff done.  Then I'll work on the "things I cannot change".

And as to my day you may recall that I predicted it would be a good one, and I suppose perhaps that would make it was a self fulfilling kind of thing.  It hinged a little bit on how my long run was gonna go, and I am happy to report an event free 25 kms.  I was extremely tired from a sleepless night which would explain my slow pace, but the most important thing was that I felt normal again.  This was the quickest recovery yet from my recent series of problems, and I'm pretty sure it's because I used my brain a little more this time.  Other than in my dreams, I backed off when things didn't feel right.

run 25 kms, 5:25/km

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."---George Bernard Shaw

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress."---Frederick Douglass

Love

Peter

"Peter 2"

Squirrels Nil!  Yup!  Got another one of the rodents!

My life is perfect!

Tomorrow I'm gonna try to run 25 kms again.

We shall see if my life's still perfect after that.

Went to see Elly but she wasn't home.  Damn!

But I got to see Cory, Mary, Teresa, Larry and Betty.

Seven out of twelve, that's not bad.

And of course I also seen my Jonathan, and that makes any day special!

I have a feeling that tomorrow's gonna be special too.

Love
Peter

"I Changed My Mind"

I always said put me on an ice floe when my time draws near, but now I got a much better idea.  Apparently they're planning a manned flight to Mars right about that time, and I plan on being on it!  I don't know how yet, but I'm determined. May as well be me as anyone else eh? I may even decide to live til 85 if I have to!

And it certainly sounds a lot more interesting than "drifting" off to sleep somewhere in the Arctic ocean. Hell, you know what?  If they told me I could go today, but that I'd probably not be able to come back I'm pretty sure I'd sign up.  Can you imagine?!

But alas.  I don't think they're ready to go yet, so I have lots of time to develop a strategy.  Meanwhile I still got a lot of life to live here on good old terra firma, so that's what I'm trying to do.

I had quite a good day and despite ongoing wacky dreams I knew as soon as I woke up that I was feeling pretty good physically.  My heart rate was down to it's pre bullshit levels, and I had a decent basement ride.

The rest of the day was filled with battery charging, sawing, sanding, screwing (no not that kind!) staining, and topped off with the ultimate....squirrel catching.  And while all of those things were fun, the squirrel part was definitely the best!  There's nothing more pleasurable than watching a squirrel in a cage.  Poor little buggers just about loose their minds, and as the squirrel catcher it is so good to be in control for once.  They always think they're so damn smart!

I couldn't decide whether to let him rot in the cage, kill him quickly in the cage, kill him as he was leaving the cage, or whether to just let the little bastard go.

In the end I decided on the last option, but 5 kms from our house!!  He'll probably be back tomorrow!

And as to why I would bother to catch a squirrel, it's just in the interest of thinning out the ranks a bit. Unfortunately they are so well fed just from what the birds drop, that they don't even have to try to get to the feeders.  We have created a kind of squirrel heaven, and since they now totally ignore Roo's threats, we have to get serious.  I'm not 100% sure, but the other day I thought I heard one of them giggling when Roo came out in her housecoat with her pellet gun!!

And that's it.  Tomorrow's gonna be an easy day, so maybe I'll go visit Elly.  Whether I'm feeling crappy, or feeling good, a visit with her always makes it better!

computrainer 90 mins, 60 mins @ 160 watts

"The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest."---Henry David Thoreau

"You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit."---Sarah Jessica Parker

Love
Peter

"Laying Low"

I need a few uncluttered days so the posts will remain short.  I think I have been making my search for better health just a wee bit too complicated.  

A brief update however. so no one's worrying.  I'm back on the stupid thyroid medication after my latest blood test.  TSH is out to lunch again, so I guess I lost that battle!  And I'm gonna wear a Holtor monitor for 72 hours to see what my hearts doing over time. All is well! 

And it was such a glorious afternoon that I decided to go for a run although I had already done my bike workout!!

80 mins, easy basement ride

7.3 km easy run

“Out of clutter, find simplicity.”---Albert Einstein

Love

Peter

"No Post Tonite"

Just too lazy!

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy."---Milan Kundera
run 10 kms easy

Love
Peter

"More Dogs, Dogs Killing Baby Goats, Flash Floods, and What a Difference a Day Makes"

Just so you don't think I'm insane (although this isn't proof I'm not), the first 3 references are from my dreams again.  And while Odd John may well be right that I already know on a subconscious level what my bizarre dreams mean, trust me it's pretty well buried.  I wish he would just tell me and cut the suspense!

When I asked the rhetorical question yesterday about the nights possible dreams I never guessed that they would be even more bizarre.

I also believe that there was a fourth element to last nights wackiness that I couldn't hold onto into wakefulness, and maybe that was the relevant part.  I don't know.  What I do know is that when I dream like this I inevitably wake up feeling stressed. Who wouldn't I suppose?  I seen the dead goats, and I was somehow responsible for hiding them from my grandchildren.

Hmmm?  I wonder if that's a clue, eh John?

And before you say it  Elly, no I never saw the goats!  I seen them!  Same way as I seen everything else I seen!

The flooding thing is a recurring theme which usually involves my place of residence, although the place is not recognizable as any place I have ever actually lived.   It also usually involves water coming from, and/or returning to, underground sources as opposed to from the skies.  There always seems to be significant danger of people and things disappearing into these death traps.

Maybe tonite I should make a decision what to dream about.  I seem to recall reading that some people think it's possible to make this determination up front..  Maybe I could dream about finishing an ironman in Mont Tremblant??  Or would that be a fantasy as opposed to a dream?

The last reference in my title is exactly what it sounds like.  I knew even before I headed out for my 7 to 10 km run that it was in some doubt.  I kept an open mind, but I was still pretty tentative.  There is still lots of doubt as to whether my HRM can capture this arrhythmia I told you about. but with each passing day I'm more confident that it does.

I couldn't get it to settle down either before or during the run, and for once I used common sense and just walked.  The beauty of that decision is that I can try again tomorrow.  Normally I never allow myself two running days in a row but today's effort doesn't count.

And not that this is proof of anything either, but just out of curiosity I wore the HRM for 5 hours this afternoon. It never went up once!!!

And other than the lame run, I had a pretty good day.  I think as the hours wore on I probably started feeling grateful that my dreams are just my dreams.  No goats, no dogs, and no floods.  And of course yesterday, is always yesterday.  Gone!!

walk/run 7 kms

"But that was yesterday, and yesterday's gone"---Chad Stuart of Chad and Jeremy

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away"---Paul McCartney

The interpretation of dreams is the royal road to a knowledge of the unconscious activities of the mind."---Sigmund Freud

Love
Peter

"Strange Day"

It was a bizarre night of dreams that left me shaken and depressed when I finally awoke for good at about 5:45.  I don't know why I continue to have these nightmarish nights, and I am especially puzzled by the fact that they still continue to include work related people and situations.  Last night included not just former Magna employees, it also featured a very mean dog, and an even meaner bear, and a snowmobile!!  wtf??

There must be something I still haven't come to terms with, something in my life that I'm not facing during waking hours.  And it occurs to me that maybe I'm not working hard enough to figure it out, for fear of learning what it is??

But.....it's gonna wait another day at least.

And regardless of the reason, I was pretty annoyed to wake up feeling the way I did, and quickly decided it was gonna be a lay low day.  I had a good workout yesterday from which I expected to be tired, so I also planned a very easy basement ride.

Although not the long term answer to my dreams, I suppose that worry about my health is a current stressor, and could be contributing.  I made sure to keep plodding along on my mission of discovery, so after dropping the kids at school, I sat at the lab for 45 minutes to get my blood work done, and I also made a follow-up appt with the doctor for Thursday.

The strange part of the day started after that, as I was preparing for my easy ride.  I already had my HRM on, and was just checking something on the computer when I noticed that my pulse was back down to it's normal resting number in the low 50's.  For several days (including when I was  laying in bed this morning) it has hovered around 60 which is just higher than my historical norm.

And while I was pleased with that I didn't initially think  too much of it.

Until I got on my bike and found that my rate was not going up very fast.  But I figured it was just fatigue and indeed it gradually started to go up.  But while thought I was probably just dogging it, what was surprising is that my power continued to go up as well.

In the end I had the best basement ride I have since heading down there in October!!  And I felt really good.  Contrary to expectations, no residual fatigue from yesterdays run.  I finished very strong and got my heart rate up to 140, which is quite good for a bike workout.

Strange.

But even if today may only be an exception to my recent struggles, I choose to find the positive in it.  It seems to me that it's at least an indication that my overall fitness remains quite good.  I feel close to a resolution of my problem, and once I have that I'm sure I'll also have a solution, so it will be full speed ahead!  Game on!

I wonder what I'm gonna dream about tonite?

computrainer 90 mins, 60 mins at 174 watts

...and while this quote isn't really relevant to my post I found it very poignant, very moving considering the author...

"It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely."---Albert Einstein

...and another good one...

"Isn't it strange that we talk least about the things we think about most?"---Charles Lindbergh

Love
Peter