"Good Timing"

I've been a bit stressed all day due to a combination of things.  I was planning on telling you all about it, but just before I started writing I received a comment on yesterdays post that changed my mind

Thanks for the words of wisdom Elly.  I'm gonna relax and focus on things like this for a while.  Where do the seasons go??

Game on!

My "Star"!

Went to the pool today for the first time since ironman, and it felt exactly like I knew it would.  Good, but lousy!  Good to be in the water, but my swimming still sucks!

swim, 1000 metres


“The Sun will rise and set regardless. What we choose to do with the light while it's here is up to us. Journey wisely.”--- Alexandra Elle

Love

Peter

"In The Beginning"

Apparently these are the words words in at least some versions of the bible. I can't vouch for that myself because I don't have a bible to check it out, but I'm okay with taking it on faith...ha,ha,ha!

Anyway, I think the point of these opening words is that before god came along there was nothing.  In essence, before he made a decision to light things up, and to start making something out of nothing, there was nothing!  Get it?  Before there was something, there was nothing.

And that's the nice thing about beginnings, whether they be of the world, or of any other undertaking.  When you have a beginning there is no previous standard that needs met.  God was probably pretty happy when he initially lit up the whole world, but I'm pretty sure that he takes it for granted now, mush as we do.

And that's why I've decided to start over again with my ironman attitude. I'm gonna have a new beginning! I spent some time looking at my posts of 6 years ago, and it quickly became clear that I'm light years ahead of that time, even considering my current handicapped state.  The one and only reason I am unhappy with what I'm doing right now is because I am using the wrong benchmark, or for that matter using any benchmark at all.

This is a new journey and as such it merits it's own start....not just a continuance of the last one.

So.  If you consider that on Saturday I ran 25 kms, on Sunday I rode 67 kms and that today I ran 5 kms before my body gave out, Im pretty damn happy with that for a start!

I went to check in with the damn doctor today and I was not too surprised to have him tell me the same thing Cory told me a few weeks ago.  "Relax!  Be Patient!  You've got lots of time till next August, and we'll figure this out, and get you back on track".  He told me that he considered my efforts over the last couple of months to be "superhuman", considering my blood test results.  He did agree to check my TSH again to see if it's gotten any better, and also my antithyroid antibodies, which should tell us whether I have the family type of hypothyroidism caused by Hashimotos disease.  I also still have an ultrasound scheduled next week just to see what my thyroid gland looks like.

And I desperately want the doctor to be right in regards to his "superhuman" comment, not because it feeds my ego, but rather because it would reinforce the idea that I'm gonna feel much better once we get my hormones levelled out.  Oh, and he also suggested that I consider keeping my workouts at a more normal level until they do.  I'll probably ignore that, new beginning or not....

I'm still debating whether to go try the 25 km trail run on the weekend, if for no other reason than I paid $100 bucks to enter it, and another $100 for a new pair of trail shoes.  Right now I'm leaning towards going.  It's a two loop course so I can always quite half way through if necessary.  After all I know how to quit now!!

And my little bit of joy today came at the hands of my perfect grand child.  Colby got his EQAO results from last year (grade 6), and the fact that he achieved the highest math score in his school was only overshadowed by the immense pride he felt in sharing the news with us..  You da man Colb!!

run 6.3 kms, walk 1 km

....and this is timely advice is it not...

"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome."---William James

"I Ain't No Quitter"

I may whine a bit now and again, but even when I'm whining, part of me is scheming up new ways to tackle the current problem, what ever it may be.

And I'm damn proud of my tenacity, even while I admit that at times it causes me as many problems, as it provides solutions.

Yesterdays run was a case in point.  It wasn't until today that I knew for sure whether my bullheadedness was gonna reap rewards, or just result in a further setback.

Let me tell you about it.

Against all sense of reasonableness, I decided I was gonna try for another 25 kms, even though 3 days ago I couldn't get past 2 kms without walking.  The difference this time was that I was prepared to accept the walking right from the start, and so I set my watch for a 4 min run/1 min walk strategy.  That ratio would actually have been the plan for my Ironman, the difference being that in this case I was also prepared to accept any pace, no matter how slow.  Here's how it went.

At 3 kms my chest started to tighten up, my heart rate was too low, and I felt a bit faint.
At 5 kms I was still hobbling along, but my heart rate was going even lower. Down to 100 at times!
At 6 kms I felt a wee bit better, and decided I could survive for at least 10 kms.
At 8 kms I suddenly realized that the tightness was gone from  my chest.
At 10 kms I decided to go around the block again and actually skipped a walk break.
At 16 kms I had skipped several more walks, and holy cow....my heart rate was suddenly over 120!!
At 18 kms I decided one more block!
At 25 kms my heart rate was at 135 and I had done the last 7 kms with only two little walk breaks!!

In the end it was the slowest 25 kms I've ever ran in my life, but I think it was good for me.  The most encouraging part was seeing my heart rate go up.  Based on what I see on the BP monitor when I got back from those previous tough runs, I believe that both my heart rate, and my blood pressure were dropping way down when I ran.  Strange I know, and I have no idea why, but it sure would explain a lot.

And like I said, the confirmation that it was good for me came today, when I felt no ill effects whatsoever.  As a matter of fact I had a very satisfying 67 km ride, which for some reason felt totally normal.  Riding of course is much less stressful than running.

So while I'm still a long way from where I need to be, and while I still don't know definitively what's wrong, I at least see a glimmer of hope that it's all temporary.  My blood pressure is still all over the place, and I continue to take the thyroid medication, neither of which I like, but time will tell.  I'm seeing my family doctor tomorrow just to check in with him, and I think I will ask to get my blood work  done again, just to see what's happening.  I'll let you know.

And just for today I am so damnably grateful to two special people.  My dear wife, and my dear sister Elly, both of who completely understand why I am so damnably grateful that I can buy a toy ....when ever the hell I want!!

ride 67 kms, 30.5 kms/hr, 153 watts

"Don't quit. Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can't see it. Listen to your drum and your drum only. It's the one that makes the sweetest sound."---Simon Sinek

"We do not quit playing because we grow old, we grow old because we quit playing."---Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."---Henny Youngman

Love
Peter

"Life in The Country"

No internet!
No post!

run/walk 25 kms

Love
Peter

"I Heard it Snap"

Talk about adding insult to injury.  Even though I seem to have temporarily lost the ability to run, I knew that I could still ride.  And although I wondered how fast,or slow I may be, I also didn't really care today, I just knew I needed to get put there and do something.  In support of that, the creator provided me with perfect conditions, 22 degrees and very little wind.  So I headed out with a good attitude, determined just to enjoy two or three hours of relatively relaxed riding.

I was also interested to see how the recent changes I made to my position were gonna work out.  It's something I've wanted to try for some time, and although it was a relatively radical change I was confident.  I moved my handlebars a full 30 mms forward, and my seat about 12 mms.  This puts my butt a bit more over the pedals, but more importantly it opens up the angle between my spine and my legs.  Theoretically it puts me in a more powerful position, with the risk of adding some pressure in the groin area.  It's because of that risk that it will only prove out over time.  If the extra discomfort keeps me wanting to get out of the aero bars then the change could be negative instead of positive.

Anyway, it was with these two goals in mind that I headed out to my favourite road. I was riding comfortably, feeling good, about twenty minutes out.

......and then.....

I heard it snap!

For a second I thought it was just a rock hitting the frame, as the noise definitely had a carbon fibre kind of resonance to it.  I shrugged it off for about 2 seconds.  That's when I realized my handlebars were loose!
I pulled over and it didn't take me long to figure out that something was broke!  Yup!  Broke!  Not loose.  Broke!

One of the screws that hold the bars on, had pulled completely away from the frame, and knowing that these are usually metal inserts that are cast right into the carbon fibre fork I was pretty upset.  Generally there is no way to fix it!

Talk about adding insult to injury!  I could have sat down and cried.  Instead I turned around and headed home, but quickly realized that it was gonna be too dangerous.  I called Roo.

To make a long story short I decided that instead of feeling sorry for myself I would get right at the problem and face whatever it was gonna be.  Once I got it apart I realized that the threaded metal insert had actually snapped right in two, and that half of it was still in the bike.  After much playing around with the threads, and with longer screws from crappy tire, I actually got it back together and it seemed to hold.  Only time will tell whether the remaining piece of insert is robust enough to handle the load.

And before you ask, yes this was one of the screws that I had removed and replaced  to make my adjustments.  And while I would normally accept some responsibility for the failure this time I ain't gonna!  I checked the manufacturers specifications and used a very precise specialized torque wrench to tighten the screws exactly to specification.  It is a clear design weakness, split between the fragility of the insert, and the length of the 6mm screw.

This all took me several hours, so by the time I was done the sun was nearing the horizon.  I rushed back into the house, threw my gear back on, hopped on the machine and hammered my way around our 18 km block. It was a gratifying 33 minutes at 33 kms/hour, with an average power output of 185 watts!  Dream on!

Tomorrow I'm gonna try running again, and if it doesn't work, I'm gonna figure out why.  There is a whole myriad of things that may be wrong with my body, some of which I may have control over, and some of which I may not.  Once I figure out what's what, I will develop a plan.  And the one thing I already know I have control over is my attitude, and while the plan may have to change as I go forward, the goal remains the same.  To meet my grandchildren at the finish line of an Ironman!

Dream on!!

ride 10 kms, ride 18 kms

"An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult."---Philip Stanhope

....and here's one of those that I wish I had said first...

“He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.” ---Brigham Young

Love 

Peter

"Hold On Tight To Your Dream"

"Hold on tight to your dream
Hold on tight to your dream
When you see your ship go sailing
When you feel your heart is breaking
Hold tight to your dream.

It's a long time to be gone
Time just rolls on and on
When you need a shoulder to cry on
When you get so sick of trying
Just hold tight to your dream

When you get so down that you can't get up
And you want so much but you're all out of luck
When you're so downhearted and misunderstood
Just over & over & over you could

Accroches-toi a ton reve
Accroches-toi a ton reve
Quand tu vois ton bateau partir
Quand tu sents -- ton coeur se briser
Accroches-toi a ton reve.

Hold on tight to your dream
Hold on tight to your dream
When you see the shadows falling
When you hear that cold wind calling
Hold on tight to your dream.

Oh, yeah
Hold on tight to your dream
Yeah, hold on tight...
To your dream."---Jeff Lynne (Electric Light Orchestra)

Love

Peter

"Discouraged"

And even a little frightened.  I managed 2 kms today before I had to walk!  Two fucking kilometres  at a very easy pace!!  I forced myself through the rest of the block but rarely ran for more than a minute consecutively. Several hours later I still feel stressed and short of breath.

This drug was supposed to give me a boost??  Instead I feel worse with each passing day!!  I think the worst part is not having any idea what's going on.  The mind of course starts going all over the place.

What's really weird is that I was actually starting to feel like I was recovering from my Ironman.  Twelve days ago I had a very encouraging 20k, but it's totally gone down hill from there.  I've been on the drug for 19 days, and while they make it clear that it will take time to have the desired effect, certainly to god It shouldn't make me feel this way.

And from a wishful thinking perspective I hope it is the drugs.  It's real easy to stop taking them.

But I think I better  talk to the doctor first, and as such I made another appointment for next monday.

Something will change!  I don't know what yet, but I can't go on this way!

I feel so vulnerable.  Somebody help me!!!

....and I'm sure that I've used this one before but it was good for todays post

"We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality."---Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Love
Peter

"Poetic Wisdom"

I found this on the wall at the auto repair shop.  I really liked it, and not just because it saved me from writing a post.

It also didn't save me from the annoyance I felt at being there in the first place!  The annoyance came in having to give the man $80 to do an e-test on my like new motorhome,  just so that I have the privilege of giving the province of Ontario a further $98 for a wee sticker for my license plate.  And what's really amazing is that since its rated as a heavy vehicle, I now get to spend that money every year!!

Anyway....I did really enjoy this.

I'm also still very annoyed about my health.  I don't know what the fucks going on, and I'm pretty sure the doctor don't know either!!  Frustrating!!

ride, 34 kms

"There's something very powerful about looking in the mirror and asking yourself a question. Because I think it's really hard to lie."---Kristen Wiig

Love
Peter

"Too Lazy"

I'm sure you will recall comments I made about Dad calling me lazy.  When I read the following quote, it occurred to me that maybe he was lazy too??

And just for the sake of clarity, when Dad was calling me lazy, I truly was!!

"I am lazy, but for some reason, I am so paranoid that I end up working hard."---Seth Rogen

Love
Peter

"A Near Perfect Day...In Pictures"

And while my two brothers were working their butts off to complete their first Half Ironman, Colby and I did the tourist thing.

Which for us always include ice cream!

And I say a "near" perfect day because it did have one glitch.   Colby spent 3 bucks on a personalized bottle of coke, and ended up with the Wong name!!  You can see he's a bit peeved

"Beauty is truth's smile when she beholds her own face in a perfect mirror."---Rabindranath Tagore

Love

Peter

"Game On"

For my brothers that is.  For me it's just relaxing and cheering. They only problem is that theyre gonna wake me up in the morning.   Damn

Love
Peter

"A Bad Day Running"

Is still better than a good day in front of the TV!

I think....

Things didn't go well today, and I'm not sure why.

And I'm not even gonna burden you with the details.

I'm just gonna ignore everything for a few days.

No training, no BP testing, no executor-ing!

Tomorrow Colb and I head to Welland and Niagara Falls to support John and Brett in their Half.

I am so looking froward to it, and it's the only thing in the whole world I care about right now.

run/walk, 25 kms

"There's nothing wrong or evil about having a bad day. There's everything wrong with making others have to have it... with you."---Neil Cavuto

Love
Peter

"Sometimes It Frightens Me!"

Perhaps this is not a new theme, but the longer one writes, and the older one gets, the greater the chance of repetition I suppose.  So if necessary, I offer my apologies in advance, but here goes.

I know that it is only through the grace of god that I am able to swim/ride/run to the extent I do.  While I'm not gifted with any special athletic talent, I have been gifted with a certain amount of natural tenacity, and truly gifted with overall  good health.

The fear comes to mind whenever I let myself think it could all go away.  At the risk of sounding arrogant I truly feel sorry for those who have not had such good luck.  There are people out there who have far more tenacity than I do, but that need every bit of it just to cope with the challenges of poor health.  Sometimes due to misspent youth perhaps, but for sure as hell I didn't do any smart health things myself for most of my life.  Not just that, there are courageous people out there who have simply been dealt a life of illness despite clean living.  And while I try not to feel guilty, I admit freely that I'm glad I'm not one of them.

So as I sit here in my easy chair,  feeling a bit stressed over Sally,  a little depressed because summer feels over, overtired because Colb's coughing kept me up all last night, eating cookies and chocolate to deal with it all, I know it's all gonna be fine, because tomorrow I'm gonna go out and run 25 kms!!

That's why it frightens me!  How would I ever cope without?

And in case you think I'm just rationalizing, let me assure you that I have no doubts!  I am 100% looking forward to it.  It wouldn't make a damn bit of difference if it snowed overnight, or if it is pouring rain when I get up.

I remember talking to Jonathan about the misconception people have of a drug addicts perspective on life.  Most believe that your average addict uses to make himself feel nice all over.  And while that may be the way it started, once a person is addicted the exact opposite is true.  They need to use just to not be sick!

I suppose that the comparison goes only so far in that I would 'not' feel the immediate symptoms of withdrawal, and because indeed the exercise 'does' make me feel nice all over (at least afterwards). Regardless, I think that on some level they are the same, as like the drug addict, I find it hard to imagine a life without my drug of choice.

Sometimes it frightens me!

Deep breath!  For today I'm gonna try to put it aside and take some inspiration from my friend Gail, who is one of those people with more tenacity than me.  Hang in there Gail, and I pray that you'll feel better soon.

I went for an easy ride today, 34 kms at about 155 watts.  It occurred to me that I could easily ride at that intensity all day.  I had to smile when I flashed back to Ironman day, and 118 watts!!!

"We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality."---Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Love
Peter

"Relax!"

I admit it.  I'm a control freak!  I can't stand bureaucracy, incompetence, or apathy, and when faced with all 3 at once I near self destruct!

I had 3 different meetings today, at 3 different banks.  The first went fine (probably because it was my own bank), the second was not quite so good but still manageable, and the third was beyond my comprehension!  Has anyone noticed that local bank branches now have the authority to do absolutely NOTHING! You can get more out of the instant teller than you can from a person.  Branch managers are just there to lock the doors at night.  I would define their level of power as the square root of fuck all!!

Oh and in case you're interested, the winner of the bureaucracy/incompetence/apathy award, was TD Canada Trust.  They pride themselves on their long hours.....they need it!

Right after this circus this morning I had to go to the post office.  It happens to be at Shoppers Drug Mart, where they also happen to have a blood pressure machine.  Much to my surprise, it was quite reasonable...my blood pressure that is.  Quite unlike the people at the bank.

And while I said I don't really care about it I do admit that I do check it a few times each day.  I am still amazed by two things---the broad range of readings, and the fact that it is always lowest right after I work out.

And although I'm feeling not too bad, I'm still waiting for the burst of energy that the doctor promised me I would get from his drugs?  Maybe it's still too early?

run 7.3 kms

"A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather, and ask for it back when it begins to rain."---Robert Frost

Love
Peter

"All Is Good"

My blood pressure is kinda high but I don't really care much any more.  I went for my scheduled check at the doctors office and they confirmed (160/87).  For me it's now a matter of interest only, as long as it doesn't impact my training.  Of course training is at a slow and easy point, but never the less I'm starting to gain confidence.  I rode 50 kms today without any kind of suffering.

The next couple of days I'm gonna take it kind of easy, as I want to up my next long run to 25 kms.  That will be more of a test both for my heart rate, and my recently re-aggravted calf problem.

On top of that I'm moving my long run up to Friday since I gotta drive Odd John and Grampa Brett to Welland on Saturday for their half Ironman.  The race is actually Sunday, but we're gonna go down the day before and stay in the RV.  I'm doubly excited by the fact that Colby is gonna join us.

I am so looking forward to it!  Of course I'm excited to be able to cheer for two of my favourite triathletes, but I also admit there will be a small element of sadistic pleasure involved as well.  That will start on Sunday morning when they slip into the cold waters of the Welland canal, while I head back to the RV with Colby for our second breakfast!  Neither of them swims any better than me, so Colb and I will probably have time to cook up a nice batch of bacon and eggs, and still be back out there to see them off on their bikes.  That's when I'll have my next nice moment, watching them shivering their way out of the transition.  The race then moves to Niagara Falls where Colb and I will be enjoying the Falls, while all the fools wobble through the 21.1 km run!  That's when I'm really gonna enjoy watching.  Maybe I'll even shout some encouragements!  Stuff like, 'why are you going so slow', or  'suck it up buttercup'!  Idiots!!

And I just hope I'm sober enough to drive home at the end of the day, or Colby may have to miss school on Monday.  He'll be heartbroken about that!! NOT!!

ride 50 kms

....and this would explain how I got this way....my christian upbringing

"I know of no book which has been a source of brutality and sadistic conduct, both public and private, that can compare with the Bible."---James Paget

Love
Peter

"Good Sign, Bad Sign"

How do you ever know eh?  That's a good sign we say!  Or, ooooh, that's a bad sign!

I've noticed the last few runs that my heart rate seems to be creeping up a bit, even when I'm running casually.  Now there's a good sign!!

Of course over the last 22 years of running I've considered it a bad sign.

..... and so I make my point.

One more time running proves to be an apt metaphor for life.  Next time you see a "sign", don't jump to any conclusions.

Went to see the sports doctor today and he confirmed part of my self diagnosis, the part about me getting old.  He was not however convinced about my suprascapular nerve analysis.  They took x-rays today, I go to see the sports physio people next week, and he has also scheduled an ultrasound for the following week.  Then I will meet with him again.  I took it all as a good sign :)

And the wonderful thing about getting old, at least if you embrace it, is that your learning curve can actually accelerate.  That can be a bit disconcerting at times because some of the learning is painful, but it is what it is, and as such you best know it.  I don't like the physical changes that come with the aging process, but I welcome the little bit of fear that the realization of my own mortality instills in me.  I think that fear is healthy, in that it forces you to "come to jesus", so to speak.  I know I have lots of realities that still need faced, and I'm determined to face them.

And if none of that makes any sense to you maybe my quote will clarify it.  I love it actually!

run 7.3 kms

"Now with too many yesterdays and fewer and fewer tomorrows, I find I'm increasingly troubled by knowledge I was once adroit in avoiding."---Barry Eisler

"So I got me a pen and a paper.
And I made up my own little sign.
I said, 'thank you lord for thinking about me.
I'm alive and doing fine'"---Les Emmerson (Five Man Electrical Band)

Love
Peter

"Not So Quick!"

It was 7 degrees when I got up this morning!  I had rode in the basement once already, and so I kinda reconciled myself to the idea that that's where my bike and I would be spending the next 6 months.

Well today one thing led to another, and I managed to procrastinate my ride until about 3 pm, at which time it was up to a balmy16 degrees.  And while I generally dislike riding when the temp is below 20, I decided to dress appropriately, and get out there.

And that's when I realized my mistake!  It's much too early to stop riding outside!   And not just because it's still bearable, but on the contrary, because it is still so enjoyable.  As my obsession with Ironman has grown over the last few years, I sometimes forget just to ride for the pure pleasure.  Today I was reminded that there's something about an early fall day, some special kind of freshness that you just don't get in July.  Although I only went 34 kms, I truly enjoyed my ride.

So that's it!  I'm gonna haul out all appropriate gear, and other than rainy days, still head outside for the next month or so.  I think it's gonna be good for my blood pressure!

And another thing I'm working on that's good for my blood pressure, is taking advice.  Hats off to Roo today for a total brainwave around the executor stuff.  Of course most of the credit goes to me because I had the wisdom to listen to her, but regardless it was a stroke of genius!  In one bold move we have eliminated probably half of the stress associated with this complex situation!  Woohoo!!

So thanks a lot hon!  I probably don't need to add this disclaimer that it's most likely gonna be a while now before I can accept any more advice.  :)  It seems listening is still so very hard for me!  Then again, I think I am making 'some' progress.  Used to be that I never even remembered what people told me, because it simply went in one ear and out the other without any processing of any kind.  Now I often take enough time to absorb stuff before I discard it...ha ha.  Just kidding.

Tomorrow I'm off to the Fowler-Kennedy sports clinic in London to see what I can learn about my right shoulder.  I think I'll learn that I'm getting old, but I also think I have a problem with my suprascapular nerve, either some kind of inflammation or entrapment.  I can no longer hold my arm out to the side at shoulder height.  I'll let you know.  

And I'm also gonna give myself a pat on the back today, because I think it's heathy to do so.  When you catch yourself making progress it's good to acknowledge it.  You may recall that just 2 days ago the title of my post was "treading water".  If you look back at it you will also note that by the end of the post I had resolved to move quickly  past my "poor peter" state.

Two days later, and I'm swimming strong! (figuratively only of course) And against the current yes, but that's the only way to live life is it not?  Anyone can float downstream!

ride 34 kms, 160 watts

"How quick come the reasons for approving what we like!"---Jane Austen

Love

Peter

"Told You!"

Game on!

Before I went running my BP was 190/93!  Kind of frightening by itself, but even more shocking was my after run measurement.  122/76!!!

I find it absolute amazing that this kind of a swing is even possible.  And although I won't be totally at peace until I stop getting these ridiculously high readings, at least I'm starting to believe that it's all gonna be okay.  I sent the numbers to Cory, and she confirmed that I'm gonna live.

I think that the good number confirms that I don't have any kind of a traditional lifestyle or genetic hypertension problem, and it is indeed most likely related to my hormones.  And of course I know that the best thing I can do about the high readings, is to stop thinking about them.

And between those 2 readings I had a decent 20 km run, which reminded me one more time why I do this stuff.  In my own defence, it's no wonder I get stressed quickly when I'm faced with a risk of losing my workouts, because the difference between how I felt before and after the run, is as dramatic as the BP readings themselves.

So even though I cramped up quite badly, and probably won't be able to run for a few days, I feel peaceful.  I know that a muscle cramp will go away.

And I had another little victory today as well.  I had an estate meeting at 3 pm, and on the way home I passed so close to a Tim Hortons that I could smell the apple fritters.  I pulled into the parking lot, sat there for a few minutes, then drove on home without going in!  After I got home I turned right around and went to the grocery store where I picked up a few things I needed, and  came home and made an omelette!  At 8 pm I still got 400 calories left in my budget, so I'm looking froward to my bedtime snack!

run, 20 kms

....and this one is brilliant....

"One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills."---Earl Wilson

Love

Peter

"Treading Water"

Feeling a little sorry for myself but that's okay.  I don't do it very often, and I know I will move past it.  I think it's a combination of my health worries, and other stressors.  And unfortunately, since I don't tolerate alcohol very well, and the only drugs I have are for thyroid problems, I am forced to turn to food for solace.

And if for no other reason other than that I'm gaining weight, I gotta get over the blues.  Over the last 2 months I've gained 7 or 8 pounds, and since it seems I don't have any discipline without doing so, tomorrow I go back to calorie counting. 

And somehow I wish I never knew about the high blood pressure thing, cause I'm struggling not to get obsessed about it.  I may have had this problem for 6 months for all I know, but now that I know for sure, it seems to be always on my mind.

But I am determined to put that worry aside tomorrow as well, by upping my run distance to 20 kms.  After all, I don't really care about the BP in itself, as long as it doesn't keep me from my stuff.  

So that's it for today.  I'm gonna treat myself to one last evening of self pity, and then tomorrow a nice run in the rain, and that will be the end of it!

hmmmm.....Funny thing about blogging.  As happens so often, my resolve to move past a problem happens just as I write about it.  Game on!

And a new basement season opened today.  Seven degrees this morning, and there was no way I was going riding in that!!

computrainer, 60 mins

....and this is why it's okay for a little while, but don't let it linger....

"Self-pity in its early stage is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable."---Maya Angelou

Love

Peter

"Cory Said"

Patience Peter!

In short she believes that the trauma of my Ironman day, combined with my thyroid problem, has sent many of my hormones into disarray.  I didn't really understand the details but I remember hearing about my  pituitary gland, and my adrenal gland.  She mentioned things like adrenalin, cortisol and I think, glucisol.  And apparently she talked to one of her expert friends, and got confirmation of her theory.  I guess that all this is further complicated by emotional stress, and god knows that with Sallys death, my Ironman catastrophe, and then the executor stuff, I've had lots of that!

But the last and most important thing she said, I heard and understood quite well.  That as long as I keep taking the thyroid medication, it's all gonna go away!

And as to the doctor, he seemed to accept Cory's theory, perhaps for lack of a better one.  I will go into the office once a week for the next 3 weeks so that they can check me out, and hopefully see a positive trend.  When I was in his office it was still quite high, at 160/90.

We shall see.

And because laughing is good for your blood pressure, here's your smile of the day, compliments as well, of my family doctor.

He gave me a colorectal cancer, screening kit, which they now try to get you to do every 2 years.  Of course that involves taking stool samples, and in this case you need to provide 3 different samples taken over the course of a week.  There are very clear instructions as to how to collect and save the samples.  When you've got all 3 prepared and appropriately labelled, you would expect to take them back to the doctors office right?  NOT!  Maybe deliver them to the local lab?  NOT!

Believe it or not, you just drop your shit in a mailbox, postage paid!!!  Yup! Yup!  I smell (pun intended) a wonderful advertising opportunity for Canada Post.  Try sending shit via e-mail eh!!

And although I can tell I still have a long way to go to get back to normal, I felt a bit better about my run today.  It was steady, and my heart rate was good.  On the other side, I'm afraid that my shoulder is gonna keep me out of the pool and the weight room for now.  It hurts like mad. Hopefully I learn some things about that next week.

run 7.4 kms

.....and this one's for me for sure....

"Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears."---Barbara Johnson

Love
Peter

"It's All Bullshit!"

I tell you, that the more doctors you go to, the more things are wrong with you!  I'm swearing off the quacks, as my friend Sally would say!  It seems my stress test went fine (I think), but apparently now I got high blood pressure!  WTF??  When the technician initially hooked me up I asked her what the number on the screen meant.  She told me it was my blood pressure. Take off!! No way!! I won't tell you what it was, but I called bullshit.  When the doctor came in I told him his machine was screwed, so he tried a different one, and then eventually even checked manually.  All of them seemed to confirm the original stupid number.  Way, way higher than my blood pressure has ever been.  Ever!!  My family doctor checked it just last week, and it was normal

I'm telling you it's all bullshit!  I don't know what short term stuff is going on, but whatever it is, it's going away.  I got no time for crap like this, and I ain't gonna accept it.  I would have just totally ignored it, but my wife made me call the family doctor, so I'll go see him again tomorrow---- just to tell him as well that it's bullshit, so that he don't have to worry about me when the report comes back!

And I know nothing's wrong there because I take good care of my cardiovascular system and my general health.  The one weakness I admit to is in my musculoskeletal system, since I seem to be a bit genetically weak in that area, and I don't stretch the way I should.  That's why I made an appointment at the sports clinic to see a doctor about my bum shoulder.  I go there next monday, and I'm pretty sue he ain't even gonna check my blood pressure.  I'm probably gonna

And okay then!  Since some people are gonna want to know, my pressure was 180/90 which is just bullshit.  My typical numbers are about 130/75. It came down quite a bit once I got on the treadmill, but then  afterwards it was up again, even higher.  I borrowed Sally's machine (she don't use it any more) and checked it several times later in the day.  While it seems to come down at times, it generally remains high.

And that's all I got.  Frustrated like mad!  It's all bullshit.

But wait!
I just got off the phone with the worlds greatest nurse, my bis sister Cory, and I feel better.  No bullshit from her. Thanks Cory!

"Expect the bullshit, but never accept it"---Anon

Love
Peter

"The Power of Suggestion"

I swear to god that ever since someone told me that I should be feeling tired all the time, that I actually am!

And although I have lived in a near constant state of fatigue for 3 years now, it was justified based on my training.

It is now more than 3 weeks since my Ironman adventure; I have done, and continue to do, very little, and as such I expected to feel normal again by now.  

Instead I find to harder to get out of bed and out the door, than ever.

Once I get into a bit of a groove whether it be running, or on my bike, I feel somewhat better, but it seems to leave me exhausted.

hmmm....

Maybe it's all in my head.  After all that's my weakest muscle!

Cardiology department tomorrow!  Wish me luck!

run, 7.6 kms

And often when I am looking for a quote I come across stuff that I recognize as good advice for yours truly.  Although it's not really relevant to my post, this quote is one such example.

"Anyone can negatively criticize - it is the cheapest of all comment because it requires not a modicum of the effort that suggestion requires."---Chuck Jones

"Self-suggestion makes you master of yourself."---W. Clement Stone

Love
Peter

"On Peace and Worry"

I spend lots of time worrying about shit I got no control over, and that never leaves me feeling anything other than tired and unhappy.

But I also spend lots of time worrying about stuff I know I have at least some control over, and while the  worry is still taxing, this kind of worry usually leaves me with a plan.  When that plan plays out satisfactorily, I am always left with a great sense of peace.

I need to let go of the first kind, and accept the second.  The futility of the first is obvious, and the second is merely my way of talking myself through a problem.  I accept that.

I spent the last 3 to 4 days agonizing over a significant complication of my executor work, and today I finally arrived at a strategy.  The payoff occurred in my meeting with the lawyer this afternoon, where I got an unconditional vote of approval.  He told me I was doing fantastic, and gave me specific kudos for my interaction with the interested parties.

I feel peaceful!  I think Sally would be happy with me, and that has been my overall goal all along.

Be not afraid!

And Elly, I had cookies and cream, on top of blueberry cheesecake, while Colb had double stuffed chocolate, topped off with chocolate mint! Too good!

And absolutely Not Gail.  I believe that all Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, hell even Scientologists and simple Deists like myself, should all ride bicycles as much as possible.  Furthermore, as long as they aren't harming themselves or others, and if they so choose, they should all go to church and eat ice cream, both at the same time if the spirit so moves them.

ride, 42 kms easy

"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."---Buddha

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."--- Matthew 6:25-34

Love
Peter

"You've Got To be Effin Kidding Me!"

Notice the polite version.  In respect of Sunday, and because today's discovery was less dramatic than that of the other day......still a bit of a surprise.

And no, this is NOT an instant replay.

I spent half the day raising the chicken house off the ground to discourage any more unwanted house guests.  Hopefully that's the end of it!

And as a reward for my labours Colb and I pedalled our way to the ice cream parlour.

Since we got our exercise getting there and back, we went for the double scoop.

Skunks, chicken houses, bike rides and ice cream.

Praise the Lord!  A perfect Sunday!

"One of my good friends is Christian, goes to church every Sunday, very religious. I'm fine with that and I will never judge her."---Amber Tamblyn

Love
Peter

"Like a Rock!"

Or is that, like a baby?

Either way, I slept well last night.  I think I was out by 11pm, and the next time I woke up it was 6 am!  The last time I remember that happening was sometime in 2009.

And I don't know how to account for it, but I'll take it!

I'm just happy to coast a little bit right now, as I gradually come to terms with this thyroid thing.  Despite assurances from the doctor that it was the cause of my epic fail in Quebec, I want to make sure it's not just a convenient excuse.  However....after lots of discussion with Roo, as well as sisters Elly and Cory (all thyroid experts), I'm gonna accept it, at least for the short term.  I think doing so will free my mind to forget the past, and start focusing on the next one.

I  hope to quickly put other concerns to rest as well.   My ECG and stress test have been scheduled for this coming Wednesday.  I'm especially interested in the stress test.  I hope I pass!

And I'm also happy to report that for the first time since the Ironman I felt almost normal while running.  It was a good feeling to get 15K in.  I was still slow, but my heart rate responded fairly well to commands, with the exception that it still didn't go high enough.  It's gonna be interesting to see if that changes going forward as well.

And in the interest of looking forward I did indeed sign up for the 25 km trail run, 4 weeks from today.  I should be able to get ready for that regardless of any thyroid issues.

run, 15 kms

"I can think. I can sleep. I can move. I can ride my bike. I can dream."---Bill Walton

Love
Peter

"You've Got To Be Fucking Kidding me!"

I'm trying to do a little less swearing in my posts so that when I do let one loose it has an impact.  Today I had one of those "you've-gottabe-fuckin-kiddin-me" moments!

You'll remember that I went to the doctors on Wednesday and he talked about a potential heart block issue.  He scheduled a bunch of cardio testing, but also had me donate a little blood to the lab.

The last 24 hours have been just a wee bit stressful because yesterday I got a call that I needed to go in to review the blood tests.  They had an appointment for me the very next day, which seemed significant since it took me two weeks to get in to see him originally!

At first I just shrugged it off as most likely some routine issue, but I admit to not sleeping that well last night.  With my history my mind tends to wander a bit despite my best intentions.  I remember all too well that phone call I got back in 2007, that I also thought was gonna be routine.

I knew for sure  something was up or he would have waited for the cardiology stuff to be completed before seeing me, and so it was with a bit of trepidation that I waited in the examining room.  I was prepared for anything, and so when he told me I had a thyroid problem I almost started laughing.  No freakin way!!!  And it seems it's fairly significant.

My first thought was that my wife was never gonna let me live this down.  She is always on my case to have my thyroid tested, and indeed I have humoured her before.  I had it checked back in 2008 after my cancer treatments, and then again in 2010.  In both cases although a wee bit out of the accepted norm, it was nothing to worry about, as I didn't have other symptoms.

The way they measure your thyroid activity is by testing for something called Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH).  The high limit according to the lab is supposed to be 4.0 units per litre of blood, and my previous tests were around 5.  Today it sits at 18.5!

And while that level is not immediately alarming, it is significant enough to be a major problem for an endurance athlete....especially an old one.  He was very clear that not just was he impressed that I managed what I did on Ironman day, he was even more impressed that I could train consistently leading up to it.  I might add that he's a bit of an amateur triathlete/runner himself, and so he 's familiar with the requirements.

I know there's a few readers out there (sisters, and extra sisters) that are all too familiar with the challenges of hypothyroidism, but for those who aren't please know that amongst the common symptoms of this illness are things like, fatigue, muscle weakness, slow heart rate, sensitivity to cold, and depression.  While I can't say I regularly feel all of those things, I can assure you I felt every one of them on Aug 17th.  And as an aside hypothyroidism is much more common in women with about 80% of the cases.

And although I don't know why I now have this problem,  my previous radiation could be  a factor.  I don't know if there is a genetic factor either, but I am pretty sure that several of my sisters battle the problem. He will also schedule an ultrasound to have a look at my actual thyroid gland, and of course we will still do the ECG and the stress test.  It's good to have the time to do all this stuff!

I tell you I m flabbergasted!

But not my wife!  As a matter of fact she was just a wee bit smug about it.  Roo also takes medication for this condition, and that helps take the edge off her gloating.  Although it didn't take the grin off her face, she did  express admiration for my efforts over the last 6 months.  She still remembers what she felt like prior to treatment, and my levels of TSH are quite a bit higher.

And back to the symptoms once more, I think the one that has stood out for me more than any other is the sensitivity to cold.  For the last 6 months I have noticed an ever increasing frustration with the temperature in the house and the car.  I chalked it up to a loss of body fat, although not really believing it at the time!

And the whole cold thing also attests to the strength of our marriage.  My lovely bride is 50 something and suffers from regular bouts of the over temp condition that comes with that age.  Picture a dual temp zone vehicle, where the one side has the air conditioning on, and the other side the heat!  Or in bed at night burrowed under the covers while my wife lays there naked, with the wind blowing in the patio door! And yet we survive.  Love you hon!

The blood tests also showed that I'm a wee bit anemic, which bears watching.  We're gonna see how things go with the drugs he prescribed, and then test everything again in 2 months.  I asked him how long I would have to be on this stuff....and he just smiled.  I guess it don't get better by itself!  But he said he would be very surprised if I don't feel quite a bit more energetic quite quickly, and that sounds good to me!

I think I'm gonna sign up for the 25 km trail run next month. Game on!

"Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised."---Dennis Waitley

Love

Peter

"Useful"

I felt useful today, all day....even though I made a few mistakes.  What else is there?

Unfortunately my usefulness is all used up for this day.  I am now useless....just like Dad warned me  :)

Let's talk tomorrow.

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."---George Bernard Shaw

Love
Peter

"This Changes Nothing!"

I really appreciate my family doctor.  He understands me, and appreciates what makes me tick.  That's why in our discussions today he never once suggested that I modify my behaviour.  And when I ask for it, he is always ready to give me an opinion, and yet he is never opinionated.

I explained the whole race day story to him, and gave him a run down on my previous symptoms.  I was quite prepared to ask him for the testing I had in mind, but decided not to mention it until he spoke his peace.  He listened to my words, and to my heart, and then suggested blood tests, an electrocardiogram, and a stress test.  He got it just right!

And his opinion?  He suggested something generally referred to as  heart block.  It seems there are several variations of it, but basically it's an abnormality of the electrical function of the heart!  His stethoscope confirmed some irregularities.

Of course this initially left me quite unsettled, but by the time I was half way home I realized, or decided perhaps, that it doesn't change a thing.  I'm doing Ironman Mont Tremblant next Aug 16th, and I say that not with bravado, but with confidence.

After a whole bunch of googling I feel even better, as it seems that this type of peculiarity is not that peculiar amongst veteran endurance athletes, at least at the low end of the spectrum.  It often happens as a result of enlarged and/or thickened heart muscles, and most often resolves itself as soon as you begin exercise.  My symptoms in the months leading up to the race would confirm this, as I often had a short bout immediately upon starting my workouts, and then it would quickly go away.

And If my problem is indeed some kind of heart block I can still only speculate as to what happened  on race day.  Perhaps the cold of the lake, and then the subsequent shivering on the bike kept me in this messed up state.  I am notorious for not doing a warmup before getting in the water for the start,  a habit I've just this minute decided to change!

And strange as you may find this I m excited about the upcoming tests.  I just know I'm gonna learn a whole lot of useful stuff.  I hope the waiting list is not too long.

As to the current state of my health and fitness, I had a decent little run around the block before the doctor, and at the little hill about 6 kms in I managed to get my rate over 150.  I'm pretty sure now that the current tiredness and sluggish heart rate, is indeed just part of the ongoing recovery from the day from hell!  I'm still seriously considering the 25 km trail race which is a  month away.  I'm gonna give it a few more days to percolate

And although I woke up quite depressed this morning, the day got continually better as it wore on.  I think one factor was that I avoided any Sally stuff all day, and instead did house work and battled wasps.  Crazy eh, that I preferred those activities!

And why still battling wasps you probably want to ask?  Well cause I found another complete, but smaller nest in the attic of the pool shed.  Unfortunately the only access to this nest was way too far away to deal with it, without crawling in the attic itself.  And an idiot I may be, but not a big enough idiot to crawl into a confined space with a bunch of angry stinging wasps!!

My solution was to drill a couple of holes in the outside wall through which I could harass them.  I attacked through the holes with spray and poker, and escaped with only two stings...both on my head!! They sting so quickly that originally I thought it was only one, but I have two very distinct sites.  And while my wife was totally supportive calling out rogue wasps as they attacked back, I think she also enjoyed the spectacle of my evasive manoeuvres.  Life is good!

I finished out my day by closing up the porch attic, now that it was relatively safe to go back there.  Believe it or not there were still a few of the rascals hanging around , but it seems they have forgotten that I'm the guy that destroyed their home!  It's all fixed up and looking like it did before, with the exception of the constant parade of yellow jackets!

run 7.5 kms

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."---Maya Angelou

....and I just love this one. The simple truths are always the best....

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."---Lao Tzu

Love
Peter

"Two to Ten!"

Are you freakin kiddin me!!  When I researched the size of skunk families, the world wide web said anywhere from two to ten offspring!!

As of this morning we are up to three, and I'm hoping that's it.  It takes a chunk out of my morning when I have a relocation to do.  As you can imagine skunks require a little more care in handling than your average rodent.  I have developed a pretty good technique with a moving blanket, and in actual fact am much more respectful of skunks than wasps!  I still don't like doing it!

Roo helped me to load the release video.  

They look so cute don't they?

And other than that it was an easy day.  I did go to the gym this aft but only to get my weight program set up.  Next week I will start twice a week workouts.

And I think I know what makes this executor stuff so painful.  It's because it's useless work!  I generally enjoy getting stuff done, but these tasks don't lead to anything.  They end in nothingness.  No one even cares.  They just need done!!

C'est la Vie!!....or C'est la Morte,  I suppose!!

.....and as I sort through the life and times of our friend Sally I realize the undeniable truth of this quote...

"Hide nothing, for time, which sees all and hears all, exposes all."---Sophocles

Love
Peter

"Chipmunks, Raccoons, Skunks & Wasps"

The joys of country living!  I wouldn't change it for the world.
I'm not sure which of the aforementioned pests I dislike the most, but I think probably the stupid chipmunks.  Just because they are so devious, and cause they wreck things!

This week however has been primarily about skunks and yellow jacket wasps.

This morning I relocated the 3rd skunk in the past week, one older one, and 2 younger ones.  I actually don't mind the skunks except they are so brave now that they hang around in the front flower bed, and I'm afraid someone's gonna get stinked.  And although I have taken them more than 5 kms away, I wondered briefly if it was the same one returning.  Not likely, but just in case, I marked todays  capture with some white spray paint before I let him go  :)
And I tried unsuccessfully to post a video of his release but you're just gonna have to take my word about the white stripe!!

Besides, the main focus of the day was the enormous wasp nest inside the ceiling of the front porch.  We have been having a problem for over a week now with literally hundreds of them showing up in the basement, and then over the last couple of days they were even in our upstairs bathroom.  That's when I knew I had to do something.  It's not new for us to have a few nests around, but for some reason they got out of control this year.

These pics don't do it justice because you can see only about 1/3 of it, and they are also taken from the opposite side to their entry.  I had to remove the soffit panels inside the porch to get at it.  You can see it's fairly quiet, but trust me all hell broke loose 5 mins later when I stuck the pressure washer up there.

That whole bottom channel you see was stuffed with larvae!!

I only got stung 5 times which I thought was good, especially since none of those were on my pretty face.  And I'm amazed at their ability to penetrate through 2 layers of clothing.  The best one however was when I picked up a dead one to compare him to some pics I was looking up, only to discover he wasn't quite dead....ouch!!!  Bastard!

And as promised I didn't work out at all today, but with the skunks, and the wasps, and washing my truck, etc, I feel my age.  Everything hurts!!

But joy of joys, tomorrow is another day, and  another bank meeting, where once again I can get frowned upon because someone died without checking with them first!!  Life is good!

And besides, just like with wasps, it's futile to get angry at a banker!

"Anger is as a stone cast into a wasp's nest."---Pope Paul VI

"Sometimes when you get in a fight with a skunk, you can't tell who started it."---Lloyd Doggett

Love
Peter