"Be Careful What You Shoot For"

In terms of yesterdays definition of success I should feel proud of myself right now.  And indeed I do, because no matter what the task at hand, once one determines to accomplish it and then does so, satisfaction generally follows automatically.

So here I sit, feeling proud, and feeling like absolute crap!  I finished my 30 kms, but it was way too tough, and probably not very good for me.  At the very least, I don't think I added any fitness.

But so bit it.  Live and learn, and all that.  I am so damn stubborn that I need to do everything the hard way, and today was just a lovely example of that. Too bad I don't have a few more smarts to go with the stubbornness.

It's clear to me at this moment at least, that until I can find some answers to my problems I need to back off a bit. Let's see if I got the smarts?

run 30 kms, 5:43/km

"Be as smart as you can, but remember that it is always better to be wise than to be smart."---Alan Alda

Love
Peter

"Success!"

How do you measure success?  Perhaps by achieving what you set out to do?  I think that's appropriate.  Certainly it is a much better measure than one determined by others.

And is success an absolute?  Can you have a bit of success by achieving part of your goals?  That's probably a personal thing, as well as being a reflection of your goal setting tendencies.  I know lots of people who never set out to achieve anything, and as such are always successful!

I know for me it generally tends to be black and white.  If I decide to do an Ironman, and I quit after 12 hours, I don't have any feelings of success.  Of course that's a drastic example because you work for a whole year to prepare, and they only give you the shirt if you cross the finish line.  It also occurs to me that with some "softer" goals, such as getting down to 160 lbs,  I would still get some gratification if I got close.

So regardless of where today's goals fall onto that continuum, I can say that I was 100% successful.  I stated yesterday that I would take today completely off in preparation for my long run tomorrow, and I achieved it.  And while my heart has been a bit squirrely a few times today, for the most part it has settled down.  So much so that tomorrow's goal is to run 30 kms in the sunshine.  I'm pretty confident about the sunshine, and pretty nervous about the 30 kms.  And indeed if the first comes true, and I don't achieve the second, I'm probably not gonna call it a success.  Wish me luck!

Oh, and I almost forgot.  The scales said 170.5 this morning.  Not much progress, which isn't a surprise considering the number of apple fritters I've eaten over the past month!

...and just when I thought I was sounding pretty smart, along comes Albert to straighten me out...

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value."---Albert Einstein

...touche Albert...

Also.

"Live long and prosper"---Mr Spock

Love
Peter

"Honesty"

My cheating post of a few days ago somehow got me thinking about honesty in all it's iterations, but most particularly how the word applies to the way I have lived my life, and in some cases continue to do so.  I compiled several quotes that struck some kind of chord in my world, and by that I mean they are relevant to me.  Perhaps a few of them will be of value to you as well.

"Honesty is never seen sitting astride the fence."---Lemuel K. Washburn

"Honesty does not always bring a response of love, but it is absolutely essential to it."---Ray Blanton

'Almost any difficulty will move in the face of honesty. When I am honest I never feel stupid. And when I am honest I am automatically humble."---Hugh Prather

"Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving."---James E. Faust

"The person who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more."---Richard J. Needham

"Honesty is the quality I value most in a friend. Not bluntness, but honesty with compassion."---Brooke Shields

And I could tell you why I have honesty on the brain, but I'll just beat around that bush by telling you that it's triggered by someone else's actions, but inevitably got me thinking about mine.  I'm not as honest as I'd like to be, but not to worry cause I got a thousand reasons for it.  :)

One place I am totally honest is in my training.  I work as hard as I can, and I never make excuses.   And that kind of tenacity is gonna get me through my health concerns,  Either I will conquer them, or if not, I will conquer any sense of failure that comes out of it.  

And while I've certainly not given up on a complete return to form, it's starting to look more and more like some compromise may be in order....but not yet!!

Yesterday I spent 165 minutes on my bike, and while it was not fast, it did at least make my ass sore.  Today I had the luxury of swimming 2000 metres while listening to Pearl Jam and others, on my new waterproof music player.  Very, very cool!!  I also managed to drag my ass around the block to complete the 2 day triathlon.  I'm gonna try very hard to take tomorrow completely off so that I can tackle another long run on saturday  They're promising sunshine!!  They better be right!

And that's it for today.  Try to be honest.  And try to be kind in your honesty, both to yourself and to others. 

swim 2000 metres, run 7.5 kms

...I quiver the same as Albert...

"Every time somebody speaks of my honesty, there is someone who quivers inside me."---Albert Camus

Love

Peter

"When Is It Cheating?"

I remember the nuns telling us "that we would only be cheating ourselves".  While I don't want to ever give the nuns any extra credit, I do admit that I aspire to the same school of thought.  Whatever kind of cheating you propose to undertake, the cheater is more often than not the loser in the end.  Especially when it's a 'victimless' cheat, like running with the wind at your back.

Yup!  That's what I did.  I had my wife drive me down the road and drop me off, and then I ran home.  And while it still nagged at me a bit, I know damn well it was one of those "discretion/valour" moments.  You see my nose was still sore and peeling from the last time I froze it, and although it was a balmy minus 14 today, the wind was brutal.  I could not have run against it today without hurting myself.

So there!

And I only went 6 kms which was also kind of a cheat, but again a wise one I think.  I feel pretty good this evening.  Heart pumping away at a nice steady 56 bpm, with none of those annoying extra pauses!

So there!

I also had another decent swim; maintaining my pace while gradually increasing the distance.  I'm up to 1600 metres. Of course I have been cheating in the pool for so long it doesn't even feel like cheating any more.  Such is life.  Like they say, I get to wear a wetsuit in the race, so why not in training?  I wouldn't do my run training without shoes, or my bike training on a mountain bike....although both of those things may well be good for me.

Anyway, cheating, or not cheating only counts in my own head, and even taking the nuns opinion into consideration, I don't feel like I short changed myself today.  As life goes, it's one thing I ain't feeling guilty about.

So there!

swim 1600 metres, run 6 kms

....and I don't know what it says about me that I think this quote is funny but I keep grinning never the less....

So there!

"I always wondered if you clone your wife and have the cloned wife on the moon and the real wife down here, would that be considered cheating?"---Luis Guzman

Love
Peter

"Finding The Bright Spots"

I openly admit that it's been tough lately.  My litany of reasons(excuses) for feeling poorly continues to grow.  To keep it to the major ones however, I blame, in no specific order, my oldest son, my cataracts, my hurting heart, and of course this never ending god forsaken winter.  I could blame god for all of it I suppose, not just the weather, but since I joined the Church of God the Utterly Indifferent, I can not in good conscience lay it on him/her/it!

So I do try to keep finding the bright spots and today I pretty well convinced myself that I found one. I have mentioned before that my chest and heart problems do not seem as significant When I ride as when I run, and although I won't feel totally convinced until I can get outside to prove it, today was a powerful moment for me.

You see after my long, lousy run in the snow on saturday I was totally bushed.  My heart was pounding away, at least when it was actually running, and it didn't feel any better yesterday.  Despite that, instead of my usual Sunday break, I got on my bike and had a better than expected ride.  It wasn't overly long but I did manage a nice hour at 151 watts, sandwiched by a warmup and cool down.  Last night I again had the unsettling periods of arrhythmia, and in fact ended up taking a sedative to relax.

When I woke up this morning after some lurid and lucid dreams I pretty well determined to spend the day in bed, but alas, I first had to drive the kids to school.  Since I was up anyway I decided to go get my blood work done (for my thyroid stuff), and that took so long that when I got back home I was thoroughly awake....despite my best intentions!

I figured it was still too soon to run again, or at least that was my excuse to avoid freezing my balls off again, so instead I decided to go to the basement.  I had no idea how I was gonna feel.

Surprise!  My legs still felt good.  Along with my wm-up and wm-dn, I rode for an hour at 175 watts!  While that's not earth shaking, even for me, it was way more than I expected based on the way I have felt recently.

This I consider a very bright spot.  Like I said, I still need to confirm this outside, but there seems to be a significant difference between riding and running when it comes to this fatigue problem. I have no idea what it is, but it seems that the impact of running must be a factor somehow??

Or maybe it's all in my head....

Regardless, I at least I feel like I have a bit of direction to head in.  I will simply ride more and run less for a while.  I think if I can get one long run in every week (no matter how slow) and perhaps one shorter one, it will keep me in the game.  Besides, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Ironman races are won or lost during the bike portion!

What's also gonna be interesting when spring gets here is how the transition from bike to run will go.  If I feel fine while riding will that carry over to an immediate run, or will it all fall apart at that point?  I'm gonna assume the best.

The other bright spot is that today I finally got a referral to another ophthalmologist, and although I still don't have an appointment date, I'm just delighted to be away from the first guy.  Every time I thought about him I got stressed, and that's no way to be thinking about a guy who wants to point a laser beam at your eyes!!

ride 90 mins, 60 mins at 175!

"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world."---George Bernard Shaw

Love
Peter

"Stalling"

I'm putting off my long run in the hopes that conditions improve a bit, and as such thought I would use the time wisely to write my post.

I've talked endlessly about the importance of long runs, both from a physical and mental perspective.  The emotional uplifting I always feel afterwards is what makes me look forward to them.  Unfortunately, there are times I suppose that what's good for the mind, may not be good for the body. Certainly when it comes down to running for 3 hours straight the old "everything in moderation" adage goes out the window.

And I know the truth of it.  At my age, considering other factors in my life, and from a strictly physical perspective, I would be healthier if I did less.  That's not the case for everyone either, as lots of people can successfully keep going well into their seniority.  But I feel especially vulnerable today, as for the last 2 evenings I have had several hours on end of my heart skipping beats, and that my friends is an unsettling thing!  Not to worry anyone though, because it is most likely caused by something called Premature Ventricular Contraction (PVC), or Premature Atrial Contraction (PAC), both of which showed up during my Holtor monitor testing. It is in itself relatively harmless, and I believe it would go away entirely if I slowed down a bit.  It also seems that stress can be a contributing factor. I'll see what the cardiologist has to say about it in 10 days.

The bummer of it however is that it creates a level of anxiety that is simply not conducive to going out there and enjoying my run,  Combine that anxiety with the obvious lessening of heart efficiency if it happens while I run, and it doesn't sound like a recipe for success.  Of course I have no idea if this is the case or not, but never the less, the anxiety is hard to ignore.

But I'm still going out there.  I need to try to get past the mental part, and then listen to my body.  I'm waiting for 11 o'clock or minus 6, whichever comes first.  I'll let you know how it goes.

I was also hoping to get some snowman building in this afternoon, but despite earlier promises from the weatherman, it no longer looks like it's gonna get warm enough for packing snow.  I'll let you know on that one as well.

......I'm back.....

Several hours later I've gotten my run in, had something to eat, and then promptly fell asleep.  The run didn't go quite as I hoped, but probably as well as I expected.  As so often happens the procrastination came back to bite me.  While it did warm up a bit, it had also started snowing, and it never stopped.  This meant that any traction I had starting out, deteriorated quickly.  By the end of my 25 kms it was just plain miserable.  There was absolutely no place to get any footing.

Oh well.  Given the conditions, the 25 km effort was probably the equivalent of the 30 I had hoped for.  Certainly it took me that long.  I'm pretty sure it was the slowest 25k of my life, but since I'm very fond of telling Odd John that speed is irrelevant on the long runs, I probably should consider it good advice for myself as well.  And I know my decision to stop at 25 was the right one!

run 25 kms, 6:00/km

"There's nothing wrong with procrastination. Or is there? I'll leave it to you to decide, but only if you have the time."---Craig Brown

...and here's one of those that strikes a chord....

"Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination."---Gretchen Rubin

Love
Peter

"TGIF"

170 lbs

computrainer 60 mins, very easy

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."---Agnes Repplier

Love

Peter

"Frostbite!"

I'm pretty sure I lost a few cells in my nose today.  The first km and the last km were into that nasty wind, and while the first didn't feel that bad, I was a bit nervous at the end.  I have tried time and time again to run with my face covered, but just find it impractical.  I have so much mucus running out of my nose and mouth that within 5 minutes my balaclava is completely frozen solid.  That's when it really gets cold.  I never thought the day would come when my favourite workout is in the basement.  I tell you, that when spring gets here, I am gonna be so grateful!

Aside from the cold it was a tough run, and it has left me feeling quite fragile.  "Fragile" is not something I do well.  I think tomorrow will be an "easy" day in the basement.  They're promising a one day break from the cold on Saturday, and I'm hoping to get a long run in....hoping.

I also had my only swim of the week this morning, as I had priorities on Tuesday.  That doesn't concern me at all, and the swim itself was uneventful.

run 7.5 kms, swim 1500 metres

"Confidence is a very fragile thing."---Joe Montana

Love
Peter

"If It's Not One Thing"

It's another....

I don't think I've ever used that expression in a positive way, but it was the first thing that came to mind today while looking back to February of last year.

You see  I was doing all kinds of whining about my running then as well, except for an entirely different reason.  I was battling a serious achilles problem, to the point that it sometimes kept me off the road.

I don't remember the last time I worried about any kind of injury problems, and as I realized that, was when the old adage came to mind.  And while I'm still not happy about my current running woes, I am extremely grateful to be running injury free.

 I feel kinda crappy after today's somewhat longer bike ride, but  it's the realization that it could always be something else/worse, that's gonna help me get through to tomorrow.

That, and the fact that I was privileged to finish out the day by taking my favourite miracle to her musical theatre session.  She's preparing for the part of Redbird in her groups  rendition of "Seusical the Musical, Biggest Blame Fool".

And if I was as flexible as her, I would never get injured!!

You go Kylie!!!  I love you!!

computrainer 2:30, 120 mins at 153

"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."---Abraham Lincoln

Love
Peter

"Family Day

I decided to celebrate the day by being grateful for them, but more importantly, by not worrying about them.  It doesn't do them any good, and for me it only causes stress.

Furthermore, I decided that the only useful thing I would do today is ride my bike.  I'm glad to report that I had the kind of workout that I needed right now.  My confidence has been noticeably lacking as of late, and I know that's primarily because of my running woes.  Today's good ride reminded me that the bike element is still the biggest opportunity to have a successful ironman.  Of course I still need to be able to run/walk a marathon, but if I can arrive at that point with gas in the tank, then all will be well.

Combining today's good feelings with the way I have felt in the pool lately, and I have managed to find a spark of positive.  I think the challenge going forward is to keep the running in perspective.  As long as I can get some regular long ones in, and as long as I can get shorter ones in after my rides, then I simply need to accept the pace I do them at.  When I reminded Odd John the other day that no matter how slow he went on his training runs that he was bound to be even slower on race day, it hit me that I needed to be reminded of the same thing.  I'm supposed to be building endurance, not speed.

And I may have already told you this, but I believe the biggest factor in my new swimming prowess is simply that I have learned to relax.  I have finally accepted that I will always need a flotation aid of some kind, and I have stopped watching the clock at all.  I never know until after my workout is over, how fast or slow I swam, and because my watch counts my laps for me, I don't have that stress either.   In further support of this new found relaxation, today I ordered a waterproof music player.  I think it will take some of the tedium out of the long efforts.  I will report on that once I get it.  The other thing I have come to terms with is that I'm only gonna swim twice per week for the duration.  I am entirely convinced that it will be sufficient.

And while I know it's fruitless to hope, I really wish this weather would break.  My feet are constantly cold!

Oh, and because she doesn't count as family I decided to hang a few pictures for my cherry blossom.  Even that is selfish however.  No matter how many times I forget it, I always come back to the realization that whatever little things I may do for my wife, they usually come back multiplied! (funny how that doesn't work with my kids....)

computrainer 120 mins, 90 mins at 170 watts!!!

....and I have long preached that a person's strength is also usually their weakness, but I have never realized how true it was for me in this, a slightly different context...

"My family is my strength and my weakness."---Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

Love
Peter

"Forgot to Carry The One"

I'm willing to be that within my lifetime the scientists figure out what they missed with all their global warming alarms.  It will be some kind of cyclical thing that only comes around every century or so, and the last time it came around we weren't smart enough to recognize it.  Probably something to do with Pluto's orbit around the sun, or some other such mysterious occurrence.  Either way, it sure as fuck ain't getting any warmer around my house, and quite frankly that's my priority!

Before you tree huggers get all stressed out however, please know that I am a strong advocate for all things that are good for our planet.  I think we should take good care of the big place we live in, just like we take care of the little places...our homes and apartments.  We should keep them in a good state of repair, and keep them clean for our children and grandchildren.  We can either take care of it and earn Mother Nature's trust, or we can stink it all up, and then Mother Nature will take care of it herself....probably without humankind, and probably with what we could consider a cataclysmic event!

Anyway, enough social commentary.  Bottom line is, that although I've had enough winter to last me for a long freaking time, I knew that I had to either get out there and enjoy it today, or sit around the house and whine about it.  I am extremely tired from my run around the block, but I bet I sleep better than I have in a few days.  The beauty of the day was the fact that the sun was shining, and dressed properly I had no issues. It was forkin cold though!!!

run 7.5 kms

"People need to be cautious because anything built by man can be destroyed by Mother Nature."---Russel Honore

Love
Peter

"Staying Motivated"

As always the biggest challenge is mental.   I really didn't expect another cold, snowy winter, and yet that's what we got.  My usual remedy when I'm dragging my butt is a long run, but tomorrow doesn't look positive at all from a weather perspective.

And while the weather isn't a good excuse for feeling crappy, it's the one I'm using!

It just seems like all my thoughts are negative right now, and I don't know how to shake myself out of it.  I feel hard done by....which of course is nonsense.

I'm gonna go work on Adrian's car.  I may have to use my brain a bit, so maybe that will help.

....5 minutes later....

Well that was frustrating!  I had to replace a broken tail light.  It didn't even require the use of a tool, let alone the use of my brain!

Oh well.  Such is life.

No workout again today, and I think that's okay.  I only worry about weight gain with the way I'm eating, and yet the funny thing is my Friday meeting with the scale said 169!!  Two and a half pounds less than  last week....hmmm...

...and here's a good question....

"Are you motivated? Are you coherent? Is your intention aligned? Are your feet, tongue, heart and wallet congruent? That intention shines through."---Peter Guber

...and if I'm honest I would admit that I can't always answer yes ....

Love

Peter

"Saved by the Book!"

Since Adrian got stuck trying to get in the driveway last night, I made it my first task of the day to blow snow.  Me and my little tractor had just gotten started when I discovered that suddenly I could no longer lower the snow blower to the ground.  What the.....??  All other hydraulics seemed to work fine, except for the fact that the blower was stuck in it's highest position, and refused to go down.  Was it the cold, was the valve stuck, was it low on oil....??  This had never happened to me before, and so I could only imagine that something must have come loose or broken.

I tried everything I could think of but was stymied!  And the worst part was that I couldn't stick my head in there to have a good look, out of fear that it would suddenly drop and thereby remove the aforementioned head!!  Although my head isn't much use to anyone including me, I couldn't imagine leaving my wife with the twin problems of the driveway snowed in, and a bloody mess to clean up in the shed.  Besides that, if I were dead she would also inherit the problem of Sally's estate, and although I have excellent records, there's some stuff in my head as well.  Now that would piss her off!

By the way, did you know that that's how it works?  If you are the executor of the estate of person "A", and person "A" dies while they are in the process of dealing with the estate of person "B", that you then inherit that job as well!  Yup!  Even if person "B" is someone you don't know, or have ever heard of for that matter!!  Be careful what you sign up for!!

Anyway, back on topic. in order to avoid a potential decapitation I decided that I needed to get the blower off, and yet that was gonna be a task in itself since it was stuck in the air.  I managed to bury it in a deep enough snow bank that once I lifted the front end of the tractor off the ground with the loader, I could get enough slack to pull the pins and disconnect the 3 point hitch.

Now snowblower-free I brought the tractor into the shed and proceeded to stick my head underneath.  To no avail!  Everything visible seemed to be in working order, and there was no way I was gonna start messing with anything complicated.  On a nice day in the summer I might have pulled a few plugs, but not at minus 10!  I was however frustrated that I couldn't solve this strange problem

What to do, bearing in mind that the lane-way was still full of snow, and that Adrian wasn't gonna be able to get out for work?  It was a toss up between calling the dealer to see if they would send someone out (and pay for a service call), or bite the bullet and deliver it to the dealer and expect to be without it for a few days.  I figured our good neighbours would probably help us out with the snow for a few days.

After some humming and hawing I decided to call and see what the dealer would suggest.  After all, with a name like VandenBrink equipment, I knew I wouldn't get taken advantage of.

But.....it still bothered me.  I was missing something?  Not that I really believed that, but maybe I just better check the book quickly to make sure.  I leafed through the relevant section without learning anything, and when I was just about to give it up, I noticed a reference to something called the "lowering speed control knob".

Holy shit!!  I knew right away!!  It's a function that in my limited farming world never gets used, and yet as soon as I read it I knew it was there.  I didn't even have to study the book to find the knob because I knew exactly where it was located.  Just in behind my feet as I sit on the tractor!!  I walked over to the tractor, gave it a half turn, and watched the 3 point hitch settle nicely to its lowered position........idiot!!!

It's clear that I had inadvertently turned the thing to the fully closed position. most likely with my boots while rotating to look behind me.

I couldn't help but imagine 2 different scenarios.  In the first one, the service man shows up at my door, walks over to the tractor, turns that knob, and then falls down laughing.  In the second situation, I drive my tractor to the dealer where it sits for a day until I get a call back from the service guy, who then drops the phone on the floor because he fell down laughing!

And furthermore, I wondered how much those good dutch guys would have charged me for their amusement???  I guess I'm glad I didn't need to find out.

Eventually my potential embarrassment was replaced by relief, but now I still had the problem of getting the snow blower back on.  Remember that it was  stuck in a snow bank three feet off the ground.    But, it wasn't too bad.  Ten minutes later I was back in business, and 45 minutes after that all the driveways were cleaned up.  Phew!

Of course I was very tired by then, and I still had a workout to do.  Fortunately that was a lot less eventful than the tractor scenario, and it was also inside.  I watched a couple of hours of LOTR while I pedalled away.   It went reasonably well.

computrainer 2 hours, 90 minutes at 166

...and for your second smile of the day...

"To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady."---Wilson Mizner

Love
Peter

"Puddles"

Yup!  I had to jump puddles today.  It seems like it's been a while since we've had above freezing temperatures, and I hope it's a sign of things to come.  I have to keep reminding myself that winter running is just plain tougher, and as such I need to lower my expectations a bit.  I managed to get my planned distance in this week, and although I feel a bit crappy right now I'm sure I'll be fine by morning.  I also have to remind myself that it's a tough time of year to stay strong mentally, and to just take things one day at a time.

And while I managed to avoid most of the literal puddles, it also seems like I've stepped in a few figurative ones over the last couple of days, and as a result I find myself feeling a bit fragile.  In the big picture I'm trying to take a step back.  Several events in the past week have made me realize that I'm pushing the envelope again from a psychological perspective.  It may seem obvious to everyone else, but occasionally it hits me that I get a bit one dimensional.  There are so many wonderful things to enjoy in life, and I don't take advantage of many of them, and the main reason is my obsession with Ironman.  I know a guy who does an Ironman every year, but he does it as a way of life, rather than as an annual event.  By that I mean, that all he cares about is doing the minimum amount of training necessary to complete.  For me that would mean half of what I do now!!  Sounds like a dream, leaving me open to find fulfillment in so many other areas.  And as much as this may surprise you I'm not satisfied with the amount of time and energy I give to my grandchildren.  What a luxury to have them so close, and to have the time to commit to them.  I'm gonna think about that a bit, but I know that as they approach teenage-hood they're gonna need a regular father figure more than ever.  Like all kids they deserve that.

And I guess that's it for today.  Like I said, feeling a bit crappy physically, and a bit overwhelmed mentally, and I hope a good nights sleep helps both!

run 27 kms, 5:29/km

"Every path has it's puddle"---Anon

Love
Peter

"Lots of advice"

My thoughts are a bit scattered tonite so I'm gonna keep it brief.  The one thing I'm totally sure of is that I am cared for.  Thanks for all your support.

And I made a decision today and put it into effect.  I very much disliked this doctor, and despite the fact that he is apparently very skilled, I did not trust him.  That is a very unsettling feeling.  I decided he was not the guy to screw with my eyes.  So I asked for a referral to another ophthalmologist.  The rationale is that this other doctor can perform a different and newer kind of lens replacement, one intended specifically to improve my astigmatism.  It is a wee bit riskier, and of course the added delay isn't ideal either, but I'm totally at peace with my decision.  Now I wait again, but I'm okay with that as well.

I hope to get a good long run in tomorrow, so today was an easy day in the basement.

Oh, and I almost forgot.  Today was also weigh-in day, and I'm down a pound to 171.5!  And not for a second am I gonna fool myself that it means a damn thing.  I've been eating like a pig!

computrainer 80 mins easy

"Listen to advice, but follow your heart."---Conway Twitty

Love

Peter

"Decisions"

Please note that I just posted yesterdays writing.  I didn't realize til just now that I hadn't done so.  Please back track, and check it out first.

As to today, its all about decisions.  After a bit of a reprimand from each and every one of my big sisters, I have already made the first one.  I have decided that Ironman will not be a factor in when I proceed with surgery.  If it's gonna interfere so be it.  I will either opt out altogether, or modify my expectations.  I am coming to terms with that slowly but surely.  Thanks Cory, Mary, Elly.

I still however have decisions to make around type of surgery, and the specific doctor.  You see the local guy does not implant a lens designed specifically to counteract astigmatism, and so if I want to go that route I will have to go see someone else.  Apparently that type of lens has a little bit more risk involved, and of course my waiting period will be longer.  In the next couple of days I will decide my direction.

I'm still trying to collect data, but it hit me tonite that I'm never gonna get everything I need to make a 100% decision.  It also hit me that this situation is the exact same one I came across so many times during my business years.  Anyone can make a decision when all the data is clear.  It takes a certain amount of courage, and a certain amount of self confidence to make decisions when everything is not clear,  And I'm okay with that.

Todays workouts were not too bad.  I was a bit sluggish in the pool but it still doesn't feel like work, and that's what really counts.  After a few warmup laps I swam 1350 metres, as I continue to add 50 metres every time out.

And my run was in the stinking cold again, and while I was starting to bog down at 6 or 7 kms, I finished the 10k feeling strong.

swim 1350 2:07/100, run 10 kms 5:27/km

"When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier."---Roy E Disney

Love
Peter

"Test"

I've talked a lot over the last 6 years about various situations I considered a personal test of one kind or another.  In general, injuries and training mistakes were probably the most prevalent, but of course as isolated incidents there was the accident in Tremblant 2 years ago, and whatever the hell happened last year.

I survived all of then physically, and more importantly my ego survived them, to the degree that once again, I'm preparing to tackle Ironman.

Right now I'm struggling to write this post because of my most recent challenge, but I felt it was important for me to do so.  I believe I will recover my enthusiasm, and that writing things down helps accelerate that process.

You see, it turns out this eye doctor does know what he's talking about.  I did my research.  Or rather I called sister Mary who did the research for me.

Before I elaborate on that however, let me digress for a minute to tell you about another one of the amazing siblings that I have been blessed with, in this case, the aforementioned second eldest, Mary.

You see I called Mary because she has worked for the same employer in the medical field for more than 40 freakin years!  But that's not the amazing part.  The real story of Mary's career is the incredible reputation she has earned, and the corresponding relationships she has built over that time. That's what allows her to call a professional friend in most any medical field and get an opinion. Thanks Mary!

And that's how I know that my eye doctor is considered quite skilled in his field in general, and that specific to my case his advice is sound.

And if I  take that advice it means that I will NOT delay my cataract surgery until after Ironman, and furthermore that I will miss a full 2 months of running and swimming, as well as several weeks of cycling between now and then!!  I'm afraid I have some tough decisions to make.

Fuck!

Last saturday I posted this quote, and told you how much I loved it....

"You're going to go through tough times - that's life. But I say, 'Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.' See the positive in negative events."---Joel Osteen

I can't very well take it back. 

But sometimes it takes a bit of time to find the silver lining and I'm not quite there yet.  Still trying to figure out why this is happening to me....whoops, I mean "for" me.  :)

And that's all I have for today.  I'm glad at least that I got this off my chest.  I will consider any words of advice.

computrainer 110 mins, 90 mins at 141 watts

"The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart."---Robert Green Ingersoll

Love
Peter

"Annoyed"

Life took a bit of a twist today, as it's want to do.

The eye doctor says I need cataract surgery, that it can't wait until september, and that I can't swim or run for a month afterwards.  To top that off, he wants to do both eyes separately, six weeks apart!

I'm a little annoyed!

Damn!  I'm not sure what to do?

I may just ignore him!  Doctors don't know everything!

And while my run today was a lame session, I was very pleasantly surprised by my swim.  I made a little change and it was very cool.  I swam 5 seconds/100 metres faster than usual, with less effort.  I was pretty pumped.

That was before the stupid eye doctor!!

swim 1300 metres, run 8 kms

...I had to read this one carefully but I think I got it....

"If we were faultless we should not be so much annoyed by the defects of those with whom we associate."---Francois Fenelon

Love
Peter