"Eleven Weeks!"

Oh my goodness!!  With a minimum of three weeks taper that leaves 8 weeks of training.  I'm gonna need every minute of it.  In that time I have to do 5 long bike and run sessions, as well as a half Ironman.   Further to that, I think I'm gonna modify my schedule even more.  I will decide as this next week goes along, but I will probably go back to at least a 7 day schedule, maybe even eight, simply by adding more days of complete rest!  I think it's for the best, considering that I'm way too tired  having just come off of my easy week.  Tomorrow I will start by cutting my run/walk back even further, to that point that it's 2/3rds walking.  I can't quite believe I've come to that, but there you have it.  I think I can still achieve 7 min k's that way, but let's see if I can maintain it for 30 kms?  I may die of boredom!  Especially since I'm gonna do short loops up at the hospital, just so I can stay off the gravel.  Walking fast on stones is very fatiguing.

The strange, and I suppose truly wonderful thing, is that I still look forward to it.  It's gonna take me 3 1/2 hours and I'm looking forward to it!!!  Better than working for a living I guess.

I laughed at myself today when I was booking our RV spot in Mont Tremblant.  A truly sensible man may just pick a different site, if for no other reason than to do something different than the past 2 years. That man would however, be a lot less stubborn than me.  So it's Camping de la Diable, site # M14, same as always!!  Game on!  I'm gonna have to die this time before I quit again!

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."---Anna Lamott

Love
Peter

"Long Day For an Old Guy"

I was out on my bike by 8:30 for my short, long ride.  This was easy week so it was only 60 kms.  I followed it up with a very short run/walk which wasn't gratifying at all.  Then we headed off to Guelph for a wonderful celebration of sister Betty's 25 anniversary of her marriage to Rob.

It was almost 9 pm by the time we got home and now I'm tired.

My very mediocre ride and run has me considering modifying my training even further.  I'm thinking of going to a schedule that has me taking every second day completely off.  Stay tuned.

Elly, the transom has 2 purposes.  First and foremost it is to make the frame stronger, but secondly, once I have come up with a name for my little hideaway, it will go in that space.  Won't that be cool?

And John, thanks for letting me know in your oh so subtle way, not to worry about stupid stuff.  It went as well with Peter as I could have expected.

ride 60 kms, jog/walk 3 kms

...I like this one, even though it seems a big cynical....

"Does the road wind up-hill all the way? Yes, to the very end. Will the day's journey take the whole long day? From morn to night, my friend."---Grantland Rice

Love
Peter

"All The Way...and Then Some"

I swam 4000 metres today.  You may recall that I was planning on 3500, but I decided to finish the whole distance....and then some.  The official IM distance is 3860 metres.
And just when I thought there was nothing new I could learn about my swimming I was surprised.  The realization?....I really didn't know I could swim that slow!!

But it is what it is, and so be it.  I'm now convinced that it ain't ever gonna get any better.

And besides.  I may not be able to swim, but I can do many other things  I truly am the guy that epitomizes the expression,  "Jack of all trades. Master of none!"  I can't do anything exceptionally well, but I can do a lot of shit half-assed!

Today I did this.

You can look out the window!

You can open the door and come out!

And you can even go back in!

And if you do go in you would see this.

Yup!  It's a fire pit on a concrete slab!

I did the pit and the slab four years ago when we built the shed, and than planted the cedars 3 years ago.  Today I assembled the door and installed it.  The stinking cedar posts cost me $27 each, but the beautiful door (also cedar), I scavenged from the side of the road.  The guy obviously didn't know what he was giving away, cause he could easily have gotten a couple of hundred bucks for it.

The plan is to train the cedars to eventually close in over top, and make a completely enclosed apace.  I know it's gonna take a few years, but I also know it's gonna work.  Won't it be cool?

I know the door's a bit redundant at this point, but I needed to get the holes dug before the tree roots got too extensive.  The only decision I have left is whether to strip the door and expose the cedar, or to paint it to match the house.  Right now I'm leaning towards paint, if for no other reason than it's less work. 

Big day tomorrow.  I'm going to visit with my eldest son.  I'm just a wee bit nervous.....

swim 400 metres, 1:35:

"You are always a student, never a master. You have to keep moving forward."---Conrad Hall

And when I read this next quote I was reminded of yesterdays assertion that I wouldn't master writing in this lifetime.  According to Ernest, that doesn't matter.

"We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master."--Ernest Hemingway

Love

Peter

"The Plan"

At least as it sits today.  Plans could change of course, as long as the overall goal remains the same, and that of course is to finally complete Ironman Mont Tremblant.

In the past, when I would enter races I would usually have 3 different times in mind.  The first would be the dream time, where everything miraculous came together.  The second would be a more reasonable time that I believed was tough but do-able.  And the third would be the outside time I could live with, if just barely.

So here's what I have come up with.  The dream would be a personal best of 11:36:53, and the outside time would be 17:05:59.

In between there's a number that for now I'm putting at 14 hours.  It would be comprised of 2 hours swimming, (including all transition times), 7 hours riding, and 5 hours walking/running.

One of the reasons I believe it's important to have a plan with some specifics is so that you can train accordingly.  It makes it much less stressful.  For example, if I accept that I'm okay with running 7 min kilometres on race day, then it's also acceptable to do so in training.  I think based on my current struggles, this makes sense.

So there you have it.  The plan as of today!  Stay tuned for change.  :)

I still took it pretty easy today, and tomorrow will be long swim day in my wetsuit.  I will probably shoot for 3500 metres.  I'm gonna go late morning/early afternoon, in the hope that it's not too busy at the pool.  Pretty soon the 50 meter outdoor pool will be open in London and that will eliminate a bit of stress as well.

And thanks for all the good career suggestions.  And here I thought I was gonna have to live with being the village idiot for the rest of my life.  I do believe that one day I will become an accomplished writer.  I'm also afraid it will be in my next life.  :)

ride 34 kms easy,  walk/jog 5 kms

....and a few random thoughts from some other "writers"

I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat."---Edgar Allen Poe

"It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade."---Charles Dickens

"Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."---Bill Shakespeare

"At the far end of town where the grickle grass grows, and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows, and no birds ever sing, excepting old crows, is the street of the lifted Lorax."---Theodor "Seuss" Geisel

...yup!  In my next life...

Love
Peter

"Learning to Walk"

Walkin is easy.  Anyone can do it!  I can nicely walk a kilometre in 10 minutes.  Walking fast is another matter.  It is so much different than running.  I can tell because after a couple of kms walking fast, I find myself wanting to jog to ease the discomfort.

I found myself having a pretty crappy day, after a pretty crappy night, filled with pretty crappy dreams.  Colby actually kicked me in the face at one point!!  No, not in my dreams!  In actual fact!!

Regardless, since I was supposed to take the day off I worked on a Roo project for a while, but then just mopped around for most of the day.  Finally at about 6 pm I decided that I needed to get out for a bit, so I chose walking.  I also chose to see how fast I could walk 5 kms, and I was quite pleased that I accomplished it in just under 35 minutes, or 7 minutes/km.  I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to do that on race day but if I can break it up with a bit of running maybe I can still maintain that overall pace.  I gotta tell you, that with everything that has gone on, I would be elated to do a 5 hour marathon, which is what 7 minutes  equates to.

I can see lots more walking over the next couple of months.

By the way.  Some Japanese guy just set a new world record for the 20 km race walk in a time of  1:16:36.  Remember my pace?  Seven mins/km.  His pace was 3:50/km!!!!

And my crappy day reminded me of some changes I still desperately need to make.  For years I identified myself by my work.  Then for a bunch more years I identified myself by Ironman.  It freaks me out that I still miss work so much, and scares me all to hell that I don't have a replacement for either that, or for Ironman.  The sad truth is that unless I came to terms with that I can expect the next 20 years to be miserable.  Maybe I need to make a pilgrimage or something?  Got any ideas?

walk 5 kms, 35 mins

...and while this quote may be a bit on the somber side, no greater truth has ever been written..

"Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking toward me, without hurrying."---Jean Cocteau

Love
Peter

"I Need a Break"

The rest of this week is gonna be easy, easy.  Despite having yesterday off, and despite doing a bare minimum today, I'm still exhausted.  I truly hope you're right Elly, and that it's simply a case of extreme over-training, because that can get better.  I actually have lots of experience with over training of a less chronic nature, which can be fixed with a few weeks of reduced activity.  This doesn't feel like that.  I've also read lots of anecdotal stuff about people getting themselves in a much worse condition, and I do acknowledge it as a possibility in my case.

After all this time I'm pretty well convinced that what happened last August in Quebec, and what has been going on since are two different things.  I think on Ironman day I was just sick. That being said, I suspect that the one was a trigger for the other.  As soon as my ironman was over, instead of doing the wise thing and taking it easy for 2 or 3 months I set out with a vengeance to prove that the IM failure was just a fluke.  That could well be the cause of my current situation.

As always, physical stress, and mental stress combine nicely to make a poor recipe, and I admit to lots of the mental kind as well.  And even as I write that, I realize how fucked up it is.  I have always claimed that my exercise was my relief valve for the pressures of life, and yet suddenly I find myself stating the opposite!  Wow!

Of course that still leaves me with the reality that my race is just 11 weeks away, and I'm not ready!  How do I do less, and still get ready?  That's gonna be a pretty fine line.  And while I appreciate your advice Elly, the reality is that right now I could actually finish the swim and the bike portions, but I'm not so sure about the run.  I think instead of cutting out running altogether I just need to do more walking yet.  If I can get myself through the race, then I can work on a full recovery.....what I should have done last September!!

And as John and Gail pointed out, maybe the lack of a plan is a good thing.  I could probably learn that skill from my kids!!

Anyway.  I went to the pool for a bit, and then went and ran the trails.  I should have walked!

swim 1000 metres, run 6 km trails

"Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records."---William Arthur Ward

Love
Peter

"Up and Down, Back and Forth, Round and Round"

As the race gets closer I need to develop a strategy.  There are so many variables at the best of times, let alone under the shadow of uncertainty about my current fitness and ability.  Every previous time I had a reasonable plan that I felt was do-able.  This time I have no idea.
 
I imagine so many scenarios ranging from miraculously feeling my old self come race day, to barely scraping in under 17 hours.  What I really need is a strategy that leaves me unsurprised, and yet gets me to the finish line asap.

I'm tempted to say I'll just play it by ear, but that rarely works for anyone.  What is it they say?  If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail!

I hope to learn some things during the half that John and I are doing in Welland in a few weeks.

Maybe my plan will be as simple as trying to beat John! :)

Still thinking!

Today was a regular rest day and at this point I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow, beyond leaving the house in my running shoes

and

....this is how I felt 2 years go....

"Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth."---Mike Tyson

...this is my take away from last year....

"Failed plans should not be interpreted as a failed vision. Visions don't change, they are only refined. Plans rarely stay the same, and are scrapped or adjusted as needed. Be stubborn about the vision, but flexible with your plan."---John Maxwell

...this is where I am right now...

"I have no plan. I will leave it to the good things and good times to find me."---Nimrat Kaur

...and this is where I aspire to be...

"Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present, and what to plan for in the future."---Arnold H Glasow

Love
Peter

"Top Ten Things I Hate While Cycling"

I haven't done a top ten list in a long while, so here goes.  The top ten things that either frighten me, an/or just annoy me while I'm out there trying to stay fit.

10)  Cars,  ....not all of them, just those that try to pass other cars while coming directly at you!

9)    Trucks...not all of them, just those that would rather risk killing you, than slowing down or moving over a wee bit.

8)    Motorcycles...not all of them, just those that buzz me at 120 kms/hr while just barely skimming past my left elbow.

7)    Sewer grates....especially the old fashioned ones that have the slots parallel to the road.  The newer ones are all of a herringbone design.

6)    Gravel....both when it's loose on the road, and when I almost drive off the pavement cause I ain't paying attention.

5)    Crosswinds... always, but especially when you're going downhill at 65 kms/hr in the aero bars and a sudden gust just about blows you over.

4)    Cracks...all of them as well, but especially the deep ones that run completely across the road, and destroy both your bike, and your body.

3)    Traffic lights....all of them, all of the time!

2)    Vultures...not all of them.  Just the ones that refuse to budge off of their road kill until you're about 5 feet away, as well as those that circle over me because I'm going so slow they consider me fair game.

.....and the number one thing that annoys me while out riding.

1)    Bugs!  Especially the ones that get lodged inside your helmet, and then proceed to hang on for dear life!!

It wasn't a hard list to generate, since every one of those things were present at some point today.  Despite that, and despite the fact that I was tired, I managed to get my ride in.  I had seriously considered backing way off today, but I'm glad I stuck with it.  Even with the tough winds, it was actually a pretty good day for riding.  I was slow, but that's okay.  It is what it is.

My little transition run afterwards was a bit pathetic, but I also managed to walk/run my way through my 6.5 kms.  That was the plan.

And any residual frustration from my ride quickly dissipated during a little interaction with her highness.

This is her flower garden.

She does all the work herself, except for the parts that Mom, and Roo and Grampa do.  :)

Today we planted a Wiegela shrub.

 Wiegela's have tubular flowers which attract hummingbirds.  Wonder where she got that idea??  God I love that little girl!!!  One of the greatest gifts in my life.

ride 130 kms, 28 kms/hr--- run/walk 6.5 kms, 6:38/km

"Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of."---Bethany Hamilton

Love

Peter

"Grandchildren day"

All day!

Lunch at the diner, bike riding everywhere, then a movie at the theatre.  Life is good!
Long ride tomorrow.  Still undecided about how long?

Love
Peter

"Gotta Be Careful Now"

My workout was kind of okay today, but I can tell I'm tired.  I'm gonna back right off for a couple of days.  The timing is good anyway since we have the kids for most of the weekend, and that allows me to focus on them.

In the same spirit, I'm gonna take it easy blogging.  Peace, my friends.

basement ride 90 mins, 60 mins @ 133 watts - transition run, 5 kms

...and speaking of easy...

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."---Agnes Repplier

"To find fault is easy; to do better may be difficult."---Plutarch

"I am trying to find myself. Sometimes that's not easy."---Marilyn Monroe

Love

Peter

"Recovery Day"

Crazy how I'm more tired from working around the house than from working out!  I'm also a bit mentally tired.  Talk to you tomorrow. 

"Oh, I am very weary, Though tears no longer flow; 

My eyes are tired of weeping, My heart is sick of woe."---Emily Bronte

Love

Peter

"Advice"

Perhaps the logical first step in giving up some control is in actually taking a bit of advice.  I think I can probably do that, as long a I never have to admit that I needed it!!!

So thanks for the wise words everyone, and yes please John, send me your reading suggestions.

I think I'm probably in a listening mood today, triggered by my exceptional workout.  Everything is of course relative, and if you told me a year ago that I could be happy with what I did today, I would have laughed my ass off.

But last year was last year, and last year I was still a runner.  Now I'm a runner/walker!  Even back then though, I wouldn't have thought that todays run/walk was possible.

Outside of cycling, it was by far the most effective workout I've had this calendar year.  I alternated 2 mins running with 2 minutes walking for the entire 25 kms, and much to my surprise and delight, I managed a sub 6 minute pace.  Last week's pace was 6:23/km, and I was happy with that at the time.  Truly gratifying!

The best part however was how I felt afterwards.  I'm of course a bit tired now, but my day didn't end with my run.  I also rewired the speakers in the back yard, hooked up the roto-tiller and prepared Mig's garden, and then topped the day off the best way a grampa could imagine.

Dig a hole.

Put  a beautiful little oak tree in it.

Watch it grow!

Oaks are of course a very slow growing tree, but Colby's grandchildren should be able to climb this one.  We planted it in his front yard.

run/walk 25 kms, 5:56/km

"Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind."---Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Love
Peter

"Control"

If I were in charge of the world, life would be perfect!  Actually I would settle for total control of my immediate circle.  If my wife, my children, and my grandchildren, would only listen to me, and do exactly what I tell them, then I would have my peace!

Every day I face the battle between trying to interfere, and letting go.  I'm afraid to let go because inevitably things will go bad if I'm not making the decisions....will they not?  Of course they will!  I almost always know better!

How to let go?
I have no idea!
I've lived this way for almost 60 years!
I'm seriously considering the idea that I may never be able to change!

And that depresses me.....

Rest day today.  I cleaned my bike.  She's the only lady in my life that I have control over!  And she's perfect....so there ya go!

Long walk/run tomorrow.

"The only thing you sometimes have control over is perspective. You don't have control over your situation. But you have a choice about how you view it."---Chris Pine

Love
Peter

"I Had It Wrong!"

I was asking for a fish instead of learning how to fish!

I wanted peace, where as what I really need is wisdom!

I figured that out during the first 10 kms against the wind.

If I was only a bit wiser I could figure out how to achieve the peace I most desperately want, and perhaps even learn how to provide a little peace for those around me.

Once I had that part nailed I just rode and let my mind wander.

Past Fingal, and through the little village of Shedden.  Then the crossroads at Iona where the Dutch guy runs the little Indonesian restaurant.   Wallacetown came along at 34 kilometres, and then more little villages named New Glasgow and Eagle.  I left the county of Elgin at about 55 kms and turned around just before Clearville, Ontario in Kent County.

And did that ever feel good! Now the wind was at my back.

Then the whole trip in reverse and still my mind just wandering.

This is the only bit of wisdom I came up with by the time  I arrived back home at 120 kms.

Lead with love!!

Sounds pretty obvious I guess, but that's just because you're not me.  I know people to whom this strategy just comes naturally, but for whatever reason I ain't one of them.

I'm gonna try real hard to focus on this in all my dealings, and see if that gives me a little peace.  If I put aside my anger, my jealousy, my arrogance, and my fear, and furthermore, if I refuse to let similar negatives emotions of others distract me for that, maybe I'll find a little peace.

Yup!  I'm gonna try to lead with love, and I'm gonna keep myself in mind as well.  Like those around me, I deserve to be loved.  That's when it will be hard of course; when you and or your loved ones have conflicting needs.  Wish me luck, or pray for my wisdom, or something....

Anyway.  My bike ride was quite satisfying.  My little transition run afterwards, not so much, but I think Elly's got it right.  I just need to continually reduce my running until I can manage it.  I don't like it, but I do believe it's the "wisest" approach right now.

ride 120 kms, 29.7 kms/hr   run/walk 6kms, 6:26/km

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."---William James

"Wisdom begins in wonder."---Socrates

"From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own."---Publilius Syrus

....and I really like this one....

"The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become."---Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"LOVE"

Peter

"Praying for Peace"

And I ain't talking about the middle east, or the Ukraine, or any of the other numerous places that people go around shooting each other.  I guess it's a bit narcissistic, but my prayer for peace is for me!  Sometimes I find bits of inner quiet, and perhaps it won't surprise you to learn that when I'm working out, especially long undertakings, to be the most common times.  

With this realization came even more clarity as to why I do this stuff, and conversely why I'm so afraid of losing the ability.  Further to that, I recognize it as  a crutch, and if I can't find other ways to more consistently put my mind and my heart at ease, then I'm still in for an uncomfortable 20 years of retirement.  Particularly since any comfort I gain from my workouts is usually short lived.

Life continues to throw unexpected curves at me, as of course it does everyone, and I'm pretty sure there will be more to come.  I suppose the natural option would be to look at my title for an answer.  While I have a strong belief in a higher power, this seldom works for me.  I also know lots of people who are devout believers in a more traditional sense than me, who also fail to find their peace in prayer.

So tomorrow I'm gonna try something different.  Since prayer doesn't seem to work, and since my workout peace lasts only while I'm in  the middle of it, why not combine the two?

By the way.  I believe that both of these strategies work to some degree for the same reason.  Both physical exercise, and mental prayer, rearrange our thought patterns in a positive way.  Neither of them are because god "granted" our wishes.  God already gave us the power over our own psyche, and it is up to us to manage it.  Perhaps combining prayer (or meditation, or self reflection, or whatever you want to call it), with a good stretch of exercise will more firmly rearrange my neural pathways!!  I'm hoping.  Or is that "praying"?

And tomorrow's a great opportunity to test this all out.  There is only a slight chance of rain, the wind is in the direction to let me choose my favourite route, and I need to ride for at least 120 kms!

Let's see what happens.  God knows I feel like I need a break!

On other fronts, the swimming continues slow, but the good news is that with a 12 days absence from the pool it didn't make a lick of difference!  The other good news is that I get quite relaxed, and can generally zone out for 120 lengths or so.  Although the actual race distance is 3860 metres, I don't feel any need to do the whole thing in training.

3200 metre swim,  2:18/100 metres

....I think this quote works both on a macro (worldview) scale, and on a micro (personal) scale

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."---Mother Teresa

Love

Peter

"On Aging"

Do we age on a curve?  Is that curve generally predetermined? Can the curve, throw you a curve, so to speak?  In other words, can the whole process be suddenly accelerated for a period of time such that you were a typical 60 year old one day, and then 6 months later have the body of a 70 year old? And if that were the case, what would trigger such a thing?  Furthermore can the opposite effect be true as well, in that a person simply stops ageing for a period of time, and then actually live on an age plateau for a while?

That's what I'm thinking about today.

ride 37 kms, 28kms/hr-5km run, 5:27/km

“Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.

Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples' affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.

Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -- they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint -- it is so hard to live with some of them -- but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen”--- Margot Benary-Isbert

Love
Peter

"Up a Tree"

I still get a charge out of doing stuff like this.

I never had a fear of heights, and perhaps surprisingly still don't have one at 59!  I find it very relaxing to sit high in the branches of a tree.  

What's not so relaxing is cleaning up the mess at the bottom. 

This tree had low hanging branches that were interfering with Farmer Bill's combine.  Actually the branches weren't that low, but his combine is bigger than our house!

I also trimmed a few tress that were intervening with Roo's lawnmower, and that was about the sum of my day.

"Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven."--Rabindranath Tagore

Love

Peter

"I Guess I Get To Decide"

Proverbial wisdom says that while you can't always control what happens to you, you can always control your attitude in response.

I work very hard to live that advice, but at times I still find myself resistant.  I want to understand what happens to me, and I want to actively control it!  

I think that if I could only get past the first part, understanding, then I may be less anal about trying to control.  

For a while today I was close to accepting my new physical limitations for what they are, but as the day wore on I started to get frustrated again.

You see it was long run day, and I was determined to make it a positive event.  I had no idea how far I  would go, but told Roo before I left that I was gonna quit as soon as I started to feel poorly.  I knew it was important not to repeat the last painful session.  Towards that end, I also decided that I was going to modify my run/walk ratio even further.  For the first time in my life I was planning on spending fully half of my time walking!!

And it went relatively well.  I managed to get 25 kms in, and probably as importantly, I managed to quit at that point.  What's hilarious, is that I actually ended up with a faster pace than last week, even though I added more walking!  It was with this realization, and the fact that I didn't feel too crappy afterwards that I was feeling fairly positive.

But.....

Overall my running gets slower, and slower, and slower!  As the day wore on the significance of this deterioration seemed to grow.  Six months ago I ran the same distance 27 minutes faster!!  Holy shit!!  If only I understood.

So yes.  I get to decide my attitude.  I'm working hard on it, I promise.

Tomorrow I'm gonna get the chain saw out and cut a few things down.  Maybe that will help??

run/walk, 2/2, 25 kms, 6:23/km

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."---Victor Frankl

Love

Peter

"I Worked Too Hard"

That's the problem with "off" days.  I never take them off!  As a matter of fact because I get a bit edgy and need to stay busy, I sometimes over-do the task stuff.  Today was one such day, so I have no energy left to think!

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."---Sam Ewing

Love
Peter

"Fear"

I don't know if you're able to understand this but I'm going to try to explain.  I suppose it's a sad state of affairs to say that I'm afraid of this Ironman.  That has never been the case in any of my former attempts, including the failed ones, or even the first one.

For several months I have seriously pondered giving it up because I know that initially at least that decision would  come with a real sense of freedom, a burden lifted so to speak.  But then I get afraid of how I would feel on race day while I watch others compete (especially my brothers), and I get afraid of how I may feel for years to come.  The fact that I didn't have the courage to even start.

So of course that's the kind of thinking that keeps me keeping on, despite serious concerns about my training progress, and while you my say that it's then a good thing, it still brings me to fear number two.

Fear number two involves getting to the start line and not getting to the finish line.....again!  And I can also confirm that I never had that particular fear before .  Even after the crash I had no doubts coming back the next year.  But last years debacle, combined with my training problems since, has changed all that.  The only way to dispel that fear is over time and through positive training results.  Unfortunately the results have been mediocre at best, and while they may still be good enough to finish the race, I just don't know that.  I can tell you this.  If I feel the way I did last year after 12 hours, I honestly don't believe that I will be able to finish alive!

So I hope that gave you some sense of how I'm feeling, and before you say it, yes I know it's just a feeling, and feelings can be changed.  And furthermore I don't have this fear all the time.  Today I had it big time however, while sitting in the basement watching 4 hours of House of Cards, and getting weaker by the minute.  That's the problem with having all this data.  You get confirmation when your starting to struggle.  Oh, did I mention that I was riding my bike while watching the show, it wasn't just House of Cards that got me tired, although I was pretty damn disappointed when Russo fell off the wagon!  I thought that was gonna be the feel good element of the series.  Darn!

But I got off the damn bike and slowly got ready for my transition run in the again, crappy, weather.  Lo and behold, I lost some of my fear during my 6 km run.  Note the lack of any walk reference!  Yes indeed, although slow, I ran for 6 kms without a break.  After 4 hours on the bike I'm pretty happy with that....and a wee bit surprised.

One of the things that needs immediate attention however is my back.  I noticed this as soon as I started riding outside again, that my back got quickly sore afterwards.  It's from the pounding of the roads that you don't get inside, and don't get hardened to.  More riding will help, but I think I need to start there with any complimentary strength training I undertake.

And for those of you who were paying attention you may remember that I was supposed to swim today, and not ride til tomorrow.  Well that was the plan, until this...

It worked out okay in the end because it looks like the weather was gonna keep me indoors tomorrow as well, and as such I am glad to have it done today.  Missing my swim this week don't matter spit quite frankly.

And lastly on the fear element it continues to be driven by my dreams  Last night the front wheel on my brand new bike basically crumbled in my hands, and the stupid transition area was inside a building on multiple floors, where no one could find anything.  The scene when I eventually found my stuff was one of pure mayhem. with peoples shit scattered all over, and even mixed tougher.

And to compliment my day of fear was the aforementioned House of Cards character, Russo, who fell back into his addictions.  I'm afraid of addictions, especially when they have victimized one so close to me.  The characters first name in the show was Peter.  

And that's it.  I don't know if my essay did a good job of describing how I feel today, but I bet at least you get the drift from my lack of coherence.  Being afraid is not nice!

ride 4 hours computrainer, 3:30 @ 135watts - run 6 kms, 5:40/km

Tomorrow's an off day!  Probably I'll get more tasks done.

"Find out what you're afraid of and go live there."---Chuck PalahniukLove
Peter

"Getting Shit Done"

In some ways I look forward to life post Ironman.  It's amazing how much stuff I can get done when I'm not exhausted all the time.  I took the day completely off, and instead put in a good 10 hours working on my task list.  It was quite a gratifying day, and a learning one as well.  The learning came from mother nature.  Don't shave your head one day, and then spend 4 hours on the tractor without a hat the next day!!   Idiot!  Anyway, I killed about 3 acres of dandelions, even though I now understand that what I did was somewhat illegal.  Something called the Ontario Cosmetic Pesticide Ban!  I guess you're supposed to pull the dandelions out one at a time!  hmmmm......

I also built a table...just cause I wanted to!

And the best part is that it was pure salvage!  Never cost me a dime!  The base is from an old patio table that Mig was trashing, and the beautiful bits of cedar that make up the top were abandoned here by one of Adrian's friends.  The table will go in the pool area.

Speaking of which....Marco Polo anyone?

Nothing makes me happier!  Seventy-one degrees Fahrenheit, and they're in!

And on the training front this was supposed to be long swim day, but for a few reasons I decided to rest.  The obvious one was cause I'm tired, but also the weather forecast is lousy for tomorrow so it seemed logical to make that my swim day.  I have also decided to add a wee bit of resistance training in somewhere over the coming weeks, as there really is no good answer to the "why not" question.  Cutting it out of my routine this last time around was only a response to my overall struggles.  I can see now that I should simply have reduced, instead of eliminated.  Thanks Mike and Gail for getting me to rethink.

And that's it.  Overall I had a very gratifying day, even without a workout.  I hope y'all had a good day as well. "

...and here's a few tougher tasks I need to work on...

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."---Rumi

"The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity."---Erich Fromm

"Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality."---Erich Fromm

Love
Peter

"Like The Pillsbury Dough Boy"

I've actually lost a few pounds over the last couple of months, and yet my spare tire has gotten bigger!  I'm getting all soft and squishy.  The sad fact is that I've lost muscle mass, primarily because I haven't done any weight training for at least 8 months, but also because I'm getting older.  I hate to admit it but the way I'm training right now is not the healthiest for a broken down, 59 year old, dutchman.  Too much running that for whatever reason my body can't handle, resulting in breakdown instead of buildup, and not enough strength exercise.

Somehow I've just got to get this Ironman out of my system,  and then get my act in order.!!

I'm still totally mystified by my body but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.  Today I went for an easy ride (that didn't feel very easy), and then walked 5 kms.  Walked!!!  The whole freakin way!!  Is there any point in that?  Maybe......

ride 34 kms, walk 5 kms

"Do not be too hard, lest you be broken; do not be too soft, lest you be squeezed."---Ali Ibn Abi Talib

Love
Peter

"So I Forgot!"

Big deal!

After all, I share the same genetics as Elly, and I'm also damn near as old!

"Don't call the world dirty because you forgot to clean your glasses."---Aaron Hill

Love
Peter

"Now What?"

I'm really quite at a loss.  It was a confounding day.  I felt sure that I had brought the run portion of my run/walk to a level where 30 kms would be easy.  I set out today with a 3/2 strategy, effectively walking 40% of the time.  I felt sluggish as soon as I started, bur managed to get into a bit of  a groove eventually.  That lasted for a while but when I got to the mailbox just before 23 kms I was totally done.  I almost passed out at that point.

But.....

I ain't no quitter, so after a quick bathroom break I decided I was gonna finish the last 7 kms.  It took me over an hour, and was as painful as any 7 kms I have ever completed. I walked all but 5 mins of the distance!

I'm at a loss!

And frustrated!

I found distraction playing with my bike.

You see I had to replace this part.  I screwed up a dimension when I gave them my original specs.

That meant removing all these parts.

Which made it look pretty sad.

And although I ain't no bike mechanic, I do okay.  I got it all back together.



I also had a few distracting moments form the usual source.

"Damn that water's cold.  Maybe we'll just stick our heads in!"

 I think it's a genetic thing.

And if  miracles like these two can happen, who knows what else my future may hold.  Maybe one day I will even be able to run again.  Ya gotta believe!!

run/walk/drag my ass, 30 kms

...and this one's pretty good eh?...

"I believe if God doesn't give you a miracle, you are a miracle of God for somebody else's salvation."---Nick Vujicic

Love
Peter

"How Much is Too Much?"

One of the challenges in writing a personal web log is the question of how much to share.  And the worry, if there is one, is usually about what you're sharing with loved ones, rather than the public in general.  Fears like causing worry for others if you tell them how really crappy you feel.  I wish I could say that I'm above all that, but I know from experience how sharing your worries can become a vicious circle.  Especially since worries are exactly that, and nothing more....worries.

One of the other difficulties I often have is the fear of appearing ostentatious.  We are very blessed, and although we worked hard for the "stuff" we have, I have also had some major breaks along the way.  That's why for example, I hesitated before showing you my new bike .  Everyone knows that I bought that thing just because it appealed to me, not because I needed it.

So how much is too much?  I don't know, but I do know I wish it wasn't even an issue.  My goal is to make my life an open book, so I'm gonna keep working on it.  I suppose the best way would be to alter my life eh, so that there's never "too much".

And here comes the punch line!  Today was my day off so I took advantage of the fantastic weather to open the pool.  It's a beautiful pool, but it's a lot of work.  I took a picture, but making the decision whether to share it or not was what triggered my whole post.  The pool itself is always for sharing....without reservation!...or reservations for that matter :)

And screw it!  Here's our pool!!

Like I said it was an off day today.  Despite my rough outing yesterday I feel pretty good, and believe it or not, am once again looking forward to my long run/walk tomorrow.  I will continue to experiment with the amount of time I spend walking, with 2 purposes in mind.  First off, to be able to get through the workouts, and secondly, to develop the race day plan.  As I come to terms with the new me I realize that the marathon may well be spent totally walking.  If that's the case, I don't want it to be a surprise on race day.  I would rather finish in 17 hours, than quit after 12 like last year.

"Writing means sharing. It's part of the human condition to want to share things - thoughts, ideas, opinions."---Paolo Coelho

Love
Peter

"Ha! I know What You're Thinking!"

You're thinking that he promised to blog every day, and now he's already missed again.  Well check again!  Here it is, and you can even check the date.  Probably you didn't look hard enough...

Anyway, it was my first decent length ride out side, and I picked a mediocre day at best.  It was still only about 13 degrees when I heeded out at about 10:30.  It was also overcast and gloomy, and for some reason I was reminded of last years Ironman.  The ride was a bit better, but not much, and in actual fact I was a bit bummed.  Until I put it all in perspective and I did that by having a totally useless run/walk afterwards.  Oh well.  More learning for me I guess.  I still need to adjust my expectations.

I do know that it takes some adjustment to riding outside again, as the body (especially the back) just isn't used to the pounding.  It will get better I'm sure.

Oh, and before I forget, thanks for the nice words of yesterday.  I truly wasn't fishing for any love, but damn it, I'll take it!

ride 100 kms, 28 kms/hr  -  run/walk 5 kms, very slow

...I like this one....

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."---Lao Tzu

Love
Peter

"Got My Oil Changed"

And all by myself at that.  Turns out I won't need a new truck, or another grandchild!  Although for that matter I would happily take either one.

Although I would probably prefer the grandchild, even though I am totally satisfied with the pair I have. I had the luxury today of driving them to school separately and apart this morning, since Colb had to be there at 6:30 to head out on his 4 day class trip!  Lucky guy!

I had such a beautiful individual visit with each one of them without Roo around to keep me from spoiling them.  You see she's been going off to her new part time job at Canada Post, and as much as I miss her in the mornings :))) it's nice to be in charge.

It seems I need to feel important sometimes, and unfortunately I still need outside input to get that feeling.  My grandchildren definitely help.

And like I said, I find it a bit disappointing that at this stage of my life my ego still needs help.  It was a good morning to wake up with happy grandchildren, because my dreams were completely filled with sadness.  Believe it or not I still continue to dream about my former career, three freakin years after it's over!!  Last night I was specifically reduced to a minor role in an organization in which I once played a major part.  I was a nobody, and that's what I felt like!

As far as training goes I managed to get all the way across the parking lot and into the pool today.  I'm gonna have to make a change in my swimming routine because all this swimming is making me slower.  Because I only go to the pool once every six days I always swim at least 3000 metres.  The problem I believe, is that while it improves my endurance, it does the exact opposite for my technique.  I'm thinking of squeezing in the occasional short session of drills on one of my off days.  Still thinking.

And tomorrow's a big day as I plan on taking the new Trek for it's first official "long" ride.  I'm just a wee bit nervous.  Not about the bike, just about the "old engine".

swim 3100 metres

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives."---Jackie Robinson

Love
Peter

"Drove to the Pool"

Got out of truck and walked across the parking lot.  Before I got to the doors I turned around and got back in my truck to head home.  My heart was not in it.

But I never managed to head straight home.  I actually drove around the block to give my self a chance to change my mind....never happened.

It's so hard though.  I truly don't know if I did the smart thing or not.  Tomorrow I will let the weather decide whether to swim, or to just skip this week, and go directly to my next workout.  It's supposed to be a long bike session, and I sure as hell don't want my new baby getting wet just yet!

The good news is that I got a lube job done on both the lawnmower, and the tractor so we're good to go!  I would have had my truck done as well but them damn grandchildren showed up, and neither one of them wanted to help me.  I think I'm gonna see about getting a new one!

no workout!!

"Indecision may or may not be my problem."---Jimmy Buffet

Love
Peter

"A Damn Good Day!"

A day of riding, and running, and visiting, and bbq-ing, and lighting fires, and assembling furniture, and firing off rockets, and yes....wait for it...even a good day of drinking beer!  I got half way through my second one!  Woohoo!

ride 34 kms, run/walk 5 kms

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."---Frank Zappa

"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer."---Henry Lawson

Love

Peter

"I Love My Bike!"

But what I really love is riding it!  When I'm out there in the sunshine and even the wind, my problems seems to melt away.  Today was supposed to be a total rest day but I knew I needed to do something to de-stress my body, and for that matter my mind, from my frustrations of the previous days long run.   It worked!  My confidence erodes when I struggle to run, but gets immediately restored when I ride for an hour or two.  Riding is really so mush less punishing.

The rest of the day was spent in support of our Kylie's dance career, with the added bonus of spending a few moments with her other grandparents.  Good people, Aurel and Wendy Bisaillon!

And that's it for today.  Have a good one folks!

ride 32 kms

....as I read this quote for some reason I thought of brother John....

:)

"To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence."---Mark Twain

Love
Peter

"Story of my Life"

I was almost half way through my long run today, when I guy on a bicycle pulled up beside me.  After some pleasantries about the beautiful weather, he commented that I was doing pretty good for a guy my age!  "How old are you?", he said.  "Seventy?"  I think he read my reaction, because he quickly amended it to "sixty?".   Of course my obligatory response was "and you?"  By this time he was pedalling away, but with a nice polite smile he threw the answer back over his shoulder.  "Ninety five"!!!!!!!

Like I said, he had a nice smile.  I tried to take some solace from the belief that he was wearing dentures.  :)

And that's what kind of a run it was.  I thought that running for 2 minutes, and walking for one, would be easy.  Certainly a year ago it would have been.  Not today.  I barely survived the 30 kms.  I need to adjust my expectations.  But it's hard.  It feels like giving up to me!

run/walk 30 kms, 5:59/km

"Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life."---Marilu Henner

..I get that, but...

"Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality."---Ralph Marston

...but the 'final' word goes to Steve..

" that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important."---Steve Jobs

Love
Peter