"Frustrated"

I ain't asking for any sympathy, just telling you the way it is.  I took four days completely off and then tried to run 10 kms.  I was walking by seven, and stumbling by the time I got home.  A day later and my legs still aren't working right.  I don't know what's wrong with my body, or even if there's anything wrong.  But even if it's all in my head, the fact remains that I don't know what the fuck to do about it.

The sad reality is that I depend on triathlon to balance everything stressful in my life.  Aside from the obvious physical component, I so love all the related stuff; looking for the latest hot bike, buying a new pair of running shoes, and yes, even trying to find a magic answer to my swimming limitations.

Instead of being a balancing element, triathlon now seems like just another stressor.  That of course allows all the rest of life's crap to come crashing in, and overwhelming me.

So there!  Poor me!

Gotta go.  Off to the basement.  See how that goes.

Love
Peter

"Enough Thinking!"

And Elly, while I kinda get the idea of feeling my way through this, I gotta tell you I feel like crap!  On top of that I am of the school that the only way to change how I feel, is to change what I think, say, and do.

But back to that in a bit.

First a bit of an update.  I seen the cardiologist on Friday who basically told me that there was nothing wrong with me, and that I could move forward with little concern for my heart health.  He went on to say that moving forward may not include training for Ironman distance races!!  These relatively harmless junctional arrhythmia that I experience may well be the problem when I train.  A minor inefficiency when shovelling a bit of snow, could well be a real limiter while running for 3 or 4 hours.  And while he's only guessing (that was obvious) he does at least recommend one more test.  It's called  a stress echo cardiogram, and is basically an ultrasound completed during increased heart rate.  So I will wait for that process to complete itself, which he tells me will be 2-4 weeks (that usually means 2-4 months!!), and then go from there.  And like the stress test and the Holtor Monitor before it, this test is also a shot in the dark, because the problem is intermittent.  I think it's a waste of time, and society's money.

To top off the whining I knew a couple of days ago that I was falling off the proverbial wagon again.  I had a decent bike and run last Wednesday, then felt sluggish in the pool on Thursday, and as soon as I climbed on my bike on Friday I knew it wasn't right.  I simply couldn't generate any power, and as a matter of fact I felt exactly like I did on Ironman day!  So I backed right off and took it easy, knowing that I had a long run coming up the following day.  I managed 6 kms of that run before I turned around and headed home!!  I had this idea that because I was smart enough to pack it on right away, that I would be able to try again on Sunday.  When Sunday came around, I went bowling with the kids....that was all I had the strength for!

Which brings us to today, where I once again had an enlightened idea.  I would do the long run in a walk/run format.  It felt pretty good for the first couple of hours, but then I had to force myself through the last 10 kms.  It was probably a mistake!!  I am quite sick still, five hours later.

So perhaps I'm not done thinking yet.  Right now I'm thinking about how to train for a 17 hour Ironman!  I'm allowed 17 hours and 6 minutes, so that gives me plenty to spare.  Because one bit of thinking I have done recently, but decided today that I need to stop thinking, is the idea of not going to the start line.  Come hell or high water, I'll cross that finish line before midnight, exactly 5 months from today!  Put in on your calendar!

Also today I got a bit of good news.  I was actually ambivalent about hearing from the ophthalmologist, because cataract surgery will apparently cost me a months training per eye.  Who knows?  That may be exactly what I need??  I will talk to him about postponing til after the race, but  one way or another I hope to work around it.  I think only one of my eyes would be considered urgent at this point.  Yes, I have an appointment in just over 5 weeks with a guy at The Ivey institute in London.  Big sister Mary checked him out, and said he's a good guy.  He does a procedure that the local guy can't do, which will give me better correction for my astigmatism.

And speaking of how what I do, say, and think affects the way I feel, writing this post had significantly improved my mood.  Strange how that works eh?

And that's all she wrote folks!  Peace, joy and happiness to each and every one of you!

run/walk 30 kms, 6:09/km

"My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging."---Hank Aaron

Love
Peter

"I'm Thinking"

I've been thinking for 3 days now, and when I'm done thinking I'll have something to say.  For now, please know that I had the day entirely off, other than bowling with the kids, and that on Friday I weighed 169.5 pounds.

More tomorrow....or maybe the next day

"Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it."---Henry Ford

Love
Peter

"Coming of Age"

Old age that is!
Yup!
I applied for my Canada Pension Plan benefits today!
I can't start collecting until I turn 60 in November, but I'm ready!

And I'm glad I got it done, because today I feel like a senior citizen!

swim 2500 metres

"To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age."---Thomas Bailey Aldrich

Love
Peter

"Breakfast With Grampa"

I'm not sure why I don't do this more often, and I just made a resolution to do so.  After all, I have the time and the opportunity, considering, in the same order, that I'm unemployed, and that my grandchildren live next door to me.  How often do I forget to be grateful for those two co-incidental miracles!

And before I show you the photo evidence of our breakfast outing please know that I take my role as a grandparent very seriously.  Because of our particular situation I have to be very careful that I do my part in helping them develop good habits, and very careful that I don't just become the candy man!  The old joke of course is that grandparents can just spoil the kids and then send them home, but quite frankly I think that is abdicating a responsibility.  If one is blessed enough to have an opportunity to be influential in the lives of the next generation once removed, then I think one needs to acknowledge the accompanying obligation.

That's why I made them say please!!

And as ridiculous at it may sound I think it's healthy to take them to Mcd's before school.  When we eat breakfast at home, it is usually in our pyjamas, and usually in separate rooms.  It also means getting up and out a wee bit earlier, and I think that's a good thing for anyone before facing another day in our public school classrooms.  And while it's a rant for another day, I can just feel Sparta Public School sucking the life out of my grandson.  Gotta think about that.....

But enough about my grandchildren.  This blog should be all about me!!  After all, I am the centre of the universe!

I feel at a crossroads on many things.

Friday I see the cardiologist, and I'm uncertain which approach to take with him.  I want to do what's best for me in the long run of course, but also of course, I don't know what that is.  I don't know whether to try hard to make a case for my perceived exercise intolerance, or to just let him look at the data and come to his own conclusions.  Typically I would be fairly aggressive, but part of me wonders whether I just need to relax and let the chips fall where they may.

My other ongoing health issue is my eyes, and again I struggle with the wise thing to do.  It's actually been almost 5 months since the optician told me I had cataracts, and at this point I am still waiting to hear from the guy who is supposed to fix it.  My big quandary here is of course that cataract surgery will have a major impact on my training, so should I push to get it done. or just sit and wait patiently til after Iornman?  If I knew it wouldn't get any worse I would happily wait, but of course I don't know that.

And although I am managing to push both of those concerns to the back of my mind most days, they do have me deliberating my training strategy.  I'm considering moving to a 6 day rotation.  There would not be a complete rest day in the schedule and yet 2 days would be swimming only, which is almost as good.  One day would be long run, and the other 3 would be ride followed by short run.  The whole idea is that I do most of my running at a slow pace, and after I'm already warmed up.  Once more I consider myself so fortunate to have the flexibility to do this if I so choose.  The only tricky part right now will be finding pool time, but even that will get easier once the outdoor pool opens in London.

Lots of stuff to think about.  For the next few weeks I will continue to muddle through, as John and I have the 30K Bay race at the end of the month.  After that I will try to finalize the new plan.

As for today's training I was reminded once again about the realities of long distance triathlon.  I rode for 3 hours and then changed and went out for a transition run.  While I felt okay for the first couple of kilometres, I was digging my sorry ass by the time I finished my 5.  Oh well, no pain, no gain!  Besides, if I plan on this particular kind of pain for 3 days out of 6, I might as well get used to it.

computrainer 3 hours, 2 1/2 at 141 watts, run 5 kms

"All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast."---John Gunther

"The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent."---Sam Levenson

Love
Peter

"A Day at the Beach"

For some reason I thought it was tuesday, and only figured it out once I got to the pool.  Unfortunately, on Monday morning the pool is owned by the aquafit types.  I turned around and went straight back home.  That left me a bit undecided as to how to train today, but in the end I settled for an easy bike ride.

I was a bit tired still from the combination of my saturday run, and yesterdays first double workout.  The double was actually a bit of an experiment for me, riding inside, and then following it up with a transition run.  I'm pleased to say that it was very successful.  Right now I am seriously considering eliminating all stand alone runs, with the exception of my weekly long one.

And as to the title of my post, we indeed went to the beach.  Even if there was no swimming, it was a damn sight better than the Y!  Kylie, Colby, Roo and I spent a fantastic 2 hours walking on Lake Erie.  It is very, very cool to explore all the ice and snow dunes that pile up near the shore.  To make the feeling even more special, the sun was bright and warm, with not a breath of wind.  My grandson volunteered his thoughts that we are indeed lucky to live in this great country

computrainer 90 mins, 60 mins at 141

"We were at a beach one summer, and I had a bathing suit on. My wife looked at me and said: 'Boy, you are skinny, aren't you?' I said: 'Honey, I'd like to remind you that it was minor defects like this that kept me from getting a better wife.'"---Lou Holtz

Love
Peter

"What a Difference a Week Makes!"

I haven't run since last saturday and that showed in my run today.  I went 22 kms instead of the planned 20, and although it still wasn't at what I would call my normal pace, it actually felt normal.  Or at least as normal as I ever get!

The best part however is how I feel right now.  And whether it's because of my run, or because my grandson's hockey team won their league championship today, while my granddaughter was named most improved player on her team, or perhaps because of a combination of all of the above, it doesn't really matter.

I feel content, and my body is only hurting in the usual places, and in the usual ways.

My belief that cycling is still the most important element of Ironman, combined with the way my running felt today, has me considering an even further change of training strategy.  Without going into detail that would mean even less running, and even more riding.  By the way, it is generally accepted that cycling fitness translates well to running fitness, but not vice versa.  Personal experience would bear this out.  I know tons of runners who couldn't ride around the block, but almost all cyclists I know can knock off 10K without too much effort.

Now if only I could learn to drink again my life would be complete.  How I envy those people who can throw back a few beers, and get a little buzz.  The only way I can get high without feeling sick is with donuts, and they're off the menu for now.  Damn!!

And today's shout out goes to my biggest sister Cory.  I don't think she reads this, but it doesn't really matter.  It's just important for me to tell the whole world that she is, always has been, and always will be my real life superhero!  As she moves into a new chapter in her life I am certain she will reap the rewards of a lifetime spent selflessly helping others.

run 22 kms, 5:23/km

...and here's one of those not relevant to today, but still brilliant...

"The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future."---Oscar Wilde

Love
Peter

"Gotta Eat Better"

It's been a month now since I stated my resolve to lose a little weight, and to keep you abreast of my progress.  I could only do that however if indeed there was some.  Progress that is! When I got on the scales this morning it said exactly what I expected it to say. Well actually it didn't say anything cause I don't have a talking scale, so rather say that the numbers on the screen announced my lack of success.  Of course right now some of you are thinking, what the hell's the difference between the scale "said", and the scale "announced"?  Ha! Ha!  It was a test!  To see if you're actually paying attention.

But enough of that.  When I stepped onto the bathroom scale, which is of course a misnomer cause it neither weighs bathrooms, nor resides in one, the little screen lit up and displayed the number 171.  While it didn't specify, either verbally or visually, that number meant that I weighed 171 pounds, as opposed to kgs, or tonnes, or stone, or whatever.   I have no proof of that so you'll just have to take my word.

Regardless of all that, the data provided by the scale made it abundantly clear that my weight has remained quite stable since my pledge to change it.  To add insult to injury, yesterday my new skin tight triathlon suit arrived in the mail.  The very suit that Roo allowed me to buy on the condition that I get back to my racing weight.  As soon as I put it on I remembered why I had made that commitment.  It was pretty damn tight!

So now Roo says, get going with your improved eating, or send that suit back!  What choice do I really have?  Sending the thing back would be the ultimate humiliation, and besides.  I know my wife don't really care how much I weigh, she just wants me to eat healthy.   If I eat healthy, I will lose weight!  She also cares about my stress level, which in fact is the real reason I eat!

But I have another reason for wanting to eat better.  Elly says, that Cory says, that eating well is good for your memory.  If them two say so, you might as well consider it biblical!  They both know lots about eating, and lots about remembering.  Then again, perhaps I should also wait for an opinion from my extra sister Gail, since she's also an expert in those two areas, and on top of that knows much more about the bible than Cory or Elly!  (that's a poke Gail....love you!)

Here's what happened to me today.  I went to the pool and was quite happy to swim a straight set of 2000 metres.  Happy because the furthest I had gone previously was 1600.  As a matter of fact, my post was initially gonna be around that very topic; how comfortable I was feeling in the pool.  Then when I got home and downloaded my swim to the computer I noticed a previous swim, just 8 days ago, of 2000 metres!!

I couldn't believe it!  I thought maybe it was a duplicate of something else.  I actually went back to my blog post for that day, and sure enough, 2000 metre swim!

No matter how I rack my brain, I can not recall anything about that swim.  While I remember using my waterproof iPod for the first time that day, it should also have been eventful for the fact that it was a jump of 400 metres from my previous effort, and yet I'm drawing a blank.   ...hmmm...   No more donuts for  while I guess!

And it's been a pretty easy week so far, especially since I haven't run since last saturday.  Yesterday was a complete day of rest, but I still feel okay since I got some decent rides in, and of course today's swim.  I will finish out the easy week by keeping my long run tomorrow to 20 kms, and then try to get back into a better groove next week.  It looks like Spring is gonna raise it's reluctant head for a few days, so I will try to take advantage of that.

swim 2000 metres, 42:24

"I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself."---Louis Székely

Love

Peter

"Emergency"

Apparently some guy having a heart attack took precedence over my petty problems.  Or at least the damn doctor thought so, since he called to reschedule my appointment.  I'm talking of course about the cardiologist I was supposed to see today.

Oh well.  I guess that's fair.  I would hate for someone to die just so that I can continue my quest for another ironman.  And the reality is that there is probably greater risk to my plans if I do see him.  You know how doctors are?  "If it hurts when you do that, stop doing that!"

And the nice lady promised me that next week he's not on call, and so my new appointment will go forward for sure.

The funny thing is that the phone rang while I was riding my bike, and I took the call only because I was hoping it was the eye doctor.  The timing was actually good, since it was long ride day, and I was a bit pressed for time.  My ride was going well at the time, and after the call I even pushed a bit harder.

So all is reasonably well, despite the missed appointment.  I'm still feeling kinda shaky emotionally, but I can't complain too much, at the risk of hearing from brother John.  As Elly likes to say, he's my "challenge" support.  Too bad that kind of support is so much easier to give than to receive, eh!

So long ride day got me up to 3 hours, and I feel good about that.  Considering that it is my 3rd ride in 4 days, and that I generated more average power for 2 1/2 hours than I did over one hour on each of the previous rides, you can see why I'm happy about it.  At the very least, it implies a complete recovery from my long Saturday run.

And I think the best way to stay positive is to focus on my riding.  After all, Ironman rules say that the only way to do the bike portion is on a bike, but the marathon can be ran, walked, or crawled!!

Maybe

Game on!

computrainer 3 hours, 2 1/2 @ 163 watts

...I like this one...

"There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth."---Charles Dickens

Love
Peter

"Feelin Vulnerable"

Or perhaps fragile is a better word. Not enough sleep, too many donuts, and too many children.  Oh, and while I'm complaining, I need a new body!

But none of that's gonna change, other than perhaps the donut thing (perhaps), so I'll just carry on.  I just won't do it willingly!

 My heart continues it's topsy turvy ways which is frustrating, and my left eye definitely ain't getting any better.  I remind myself that I know people who can barely get up a set of stairs because of their heart problems, and that I have siblings that can't even drive because of their eyesight, but somehow it doesn't make me feel any better.

I think it's just a combination of all of these weights that's got me feeling this way, and although I'm sure you're tired of hearing it, this mother effin winter is just killing me.  Somehow I need to escape.  I'm gonna start negotiating with my wife again about the tandem bike I want, and then we can both climb on it and disappear for a month or two.

Which I suppose naturally brings me to the one over-riding factor in my life that makes it all okay.  As much as we differ on some things, whenever I imagine coping with life's crap without my wife beside me, I get chills.  Like is said, I still feel vulnerable, but at least I know that if I totally fall apart, she's gonna be there to catch me.  Love you Roo!

And from an overall training fatigue perspective, I actually feel fairly good.  Even though my 30K on saturday was slow and tough, I rest on the knowledge that I don"t really need to run further than that, as long as I can continue to build my riding.  I have spent the last 2 days in the basement, and while neither ride was long or overwhelmingly difficult, I feel okay.

Tomorrow is swim and run day.  Wish me luck!

Oh, and if you love me, send me some courage.  I can really, really use it!

computrainer, 90 mins, 60 mins at 158

...here's a couple of clinical sounding ones for you....

"Cognitive psychology tells us that the unaided human mind is vulnerable to many fallacies and illusions because of its reliance on its memory for vivid anecdotes rather than systematic statistics."---Steven Pinker

"Because of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanisms, the ego is very vulnerable and insecure, and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case even if the ego is outwardly very confident."---Eckhart Tolle

...and cool, here's both my key words in the same sentence....

"Fragility is the quality of things that are vulnerable to volatility."---Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Love
Peter