"Staying Motivated"

As always the biggest challenge is mental.   I really didn't expect another cold, snowy winter, and yet that's what we got.  My usual remedy when I'm dragging my butt is a long run, but tomorrow doesn't look positive at all from a weather perspective.

And while the weather isn't a good excuse for feeling crappy, it's the one I'm using!

It just seems like all my thoughts are negative right now, and I don't know how to shake myself out of it.  I feel hard done by....which of course is nonsense.

I'm gonna go work on Adrian's car.  I may have to use my brain a bit, so maybe that will help.

....5 minutes later....

Well that was frustrating!  I had to replace a broken tail light.  It didn't even require the use of a tool, let alone the use of my brain!

Oh well.  Such is life.

No workout again today, and I think that's okay.  I only worry about weight gain with the way I'm eating, and yet the funny thing is my Friday meeting with the scale said 169!!  Two and a half pounds less than  last week....hmmm...

...and here's a good question....

"Are you motivated? Are you coherent? Is your intention aligned? Are your feet, tongue, heart and wallet congruent? That intention shines through."---Peter Guber

...and if I'm honest I would admit that I can't always answer yes ....

Love

Peter

"Saved by the Book!"

Since Adrian got stuck trying to get in the driveway last night, I made it my first task of the day to blow snow.  Me and my little tractor had just gotten started when I discovered that suddenly I could no longer lower the snow blower to the ground.  What the.....??  All other hydraulics seemed to work fine, except for the fact that the blower was stuck in it's highest position, and refused to go down.  Was it the cold, was the valve stuck, was it low on oil....??  This had never happened to me before, and so I could only imagine that something must have come loose or broken.

I tried everything I could think of but was stymied!  And the worst part was that I couldn't stick my head in there to have a good look, out of fear that it would suddenly drop and thereby remove the aforementioned head!!  Although my head isn't much use to anyone including me, I couldn't imagine leaving my wife with the twin problems of the driveway snowed in, and a bloody mess to clean up in the shed.  Besides that, if I were dead she would also inherit the problem of Sally's estate, and although I have excellent records, there's some stuff in my head as well.  Now that would piss her off!

By the way, did you know that that's how it works?  If you are the executor of the estate of person "A", and person "A" dies while they are in the process of dealing with the estate of person "B", that you then inherit that job as well!  Yup!  Even if person "B" is someone you don't know, or have ever heard of for that matter!!  Be careful what you sign up for!!

Anyway, back on topic. in order to avoid a potential decapitation I decided that I needed to get the blower off, and yet that was gonna be a task in itself since it was stuck in the air.  I managed to bury it in a deep enough snow bank that once I lifted the front end of the tractor off the ground with the loader, I could get enough slack to pull the pins and disconnect the 3 point hitch.

Now snowblower-free I brought the tractor into the shed and proceeded to stick my head underneath.  To no avail!  Everything visible seemed to be in working order, and there was no way I was gonna start messing with anything complicated.  On a nice day in the summer I might have pulled a few plugs, but not at minus 10!  I was however frustrated that I couldn't solve this strange problem

What to do, bearing in mind that the lane-way was still full of snow, and that Adrian wasn't gonna be able to get out for work?  It was a toss up between calling the dealer to see if they would send someone out (and pay for a service call), or bite the bullet and deliver it to the dealer and expect to be without it for a few days.  I figured our good neighbours would probably help us out with the snow for a few days.

After some humming and hawing I decided to call and see what the dealer would suggest.  After all, with a name like VandenBrink equipment, I knew I wouldn't get taken advantage of.

But.....it still bothered me.  I was missing something?  Not that I really believed that, but maybe I just better check the book quickly to make sure.  I leafed through the relevant section without learning anything, and when I was just about to give it up, I noticed a reference to something called the "lowering speed control knob".

Holy shit!!  I knew right away!!  It's a function that in my limited farming world never gets used, and yet as soon as I read it I knew it was there.  I didn't even have to study the book to find the knob because I knew exactly where it was located.  Just in behind my feet as I sit on the tractor!!  I walked over to the tractor, gave it a half turn, and watched the 3 point hitch settle nicely to its lowered position........idiot!!!

It's clear that I had inadvertently turned the thing to the fully closed position. most likely with my boots while rotating to look behind me.

I couldn't help but imagine 2 different scenarios.  In the first one, the service man shows up at my door, walks over to the tractor, turns that knob, and then falls down laughing.  In the second situation, I drive my tractor to the dealer where it sits for a day until I get a call back from the service guy, who then drops the phone on the floor because he fell down laughing!

And furthermore, I wondered how much those good dutch guys would have charged me for their amusement???  I guess I'm glad I didn't need to find out.

Eventually my potential embarrassment was replaced by relief, but now I still had the problem of getting the snow blower back on.  Remember that it was  stuck in a snow bank three feet off the ground.    But, it wasn't too bad.  Ten minutes later I was back in business, and 45 minutes after that all the driveways were cleaned up.  Phew!

Of course I was very tired by then, and I still had a workout to do.  Fortunately that was a lot less eventful than the tractor scenario, and it was also inside.  I watched a couple of hours of LOTR while I pedalled away.   It went reasonably well.

computrainer 2 hours, 90 minutes at 166

...and for your second smile of the day...

"To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady."---Wilson Mizner

Love
Peter

"Puddles"

Yup!  I had to jump puddles today.  It seems like it's been a while since we've had above freezing temperatures, and I hope it's a sign of things to come.  I have to keep reminding myself that winter running is just plain tougher, and as such I need to lower my expectations a bit.  I managed to get my planned distance in this week, and although I feel a bit crappy right now I'm sure I'll be fine by morning.  I also have to remind myself that it's a tough time of year to stay strong mentally, and to just take things one day at a time.

And while I managed to avoid most of the literal puddles, it also seems like I've stepped in a few figurative ones over the last couple of days, and as a result I find myself feeling a bit fragile.  In the big picture I'm trying to take a step back.  Several events in the past week have made me realize that I'm pushing the envelope again from a psychological perspective.  It may seem obvious to everyone else, but occasionally it hits me that I get a bit one dimensional.  There are so many wonderful things to enjoy in life, and I don't take advantage of many of them, and the main reason is my obsession with Ironman.  I know a guy who does an Ironman every year, but he does it as a way of life, rather than as an annual event.  By that I mean, that all he cares about is doing the minimum amount of training necessary to complete.  For me that would mean half of what I do now!!  Sounds like a dream, leaving me open to find fulfillment in so many other areas.  And as much as this may surprise you I'm not satisfied with the amount of time and energy I give to my grandchildren.  What a luxury to have them so close, and to have the time to commit to them.  I'm gonna think about that a bit, but I know that as they approach teenage-hood they're gonna need a regular father figure more than ever.  Like all kids they deserve that.

And I guess that's it for today.  Like I said, feeling a bit crappy physically, and a bit overwhelmed mentally, and I hope a good nights sleep helps both!

run 27 kms, 5:29/km

"Every path has it's puddle"---Anon

Love
Peter

"Lots of advice"

My thoughts are a bit scattered tonite so I'm gonna keep it brief.  The one thing I'm totally sure of is that I am cared for.  Thanks for all your support.

And I made a decision today and put it into effect.  I very much disliked this doctor, and despite the fact that he is apparently very skilled, I did not trust him.  That is a very unsettling feeling.  I decided he was not the guy to screw with my eyes.  So I asked for a referral to another ophthalmologist.  The rationale is that this other doctor can perform a different and newer kind of lens replacement, one intended specifically to improve my astigmatism.  It is a wee bit riskier, and of course the added delay isn't ideal either, but I'm totally at peace with my decision.  Now I wait again, but I'm okay with that as well.

I hope to get a good long run in tomorrow, so today was an easy day in the basement.

Oh, and I almost forgot.  Today was also weigh-in day, and I'm down a pound to 171.5!  And not for a second am I gonna fool myself that it means a damn thing.  I've been eating like a pig!

computrainer 80 mins easy

"Listen to advice, but follow your heart."---Conway Twitty

Love

Peter

"Decisions"

Please note that I just posted yesterdays writing.  I didn't realize til just now that I hadn't done so.  Please back track, and check it out first.

As to today, its all about decisions.  After a bit of a reprimand from each and every one of my big sisters, I have already made the first one.  I have decided that Ironman will not be a factor in when I proceed with surgery.  If it's gonna interfere so be it.  I will either opt out altogether, or modify my expectations.  I am coming to terms with that slowly but surely.  Thanks Cory, Mary, Elly.

I still however have decisions to make around type of surgery, and the specific doctor.  You see the local guy does not implant a lens designed specifically to counteract astigmatism, and so if I want to go that route I will have to go see someone else.  Apparently that type of lens has a little bit more risk involved, and of course my waiting period will be longer.  In the next couple of days I will decide my direction.

I'm still trying to collect data, but it hit me tonite that I'm never gonna get everything I need to make a 100% decision.  It also hit me that this situation is the exact same one I came across so many times during my business years.  Anyone can make a decision when all the data is clear.  It takes a certain amount of courage, and a certain amount of self confidence to make decisions when everything is not clear,  And I'm okay with that.

Todays workouts were not too bad.  I was a bit sluggish in the pool but it still doesn't feel like work, and that's what really counts.  After a few warmup laps I swam 1350 metres, as I continue to add 50 metres every time out.

And my run was in the stinking cold again, and while I was starting to bog down at 6 or 7 kms, I finished the 10k feeling strong.

swim 1350 2:07/100, run 10 kms 5:27/km

"When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier."---Roy E Disney

Love
Peter

"Test"

I've talked a lot over the last 6 years about various situations I considered a personal test of one kind or another.  In general, injuries and training mistakes were probably the most prevalent, but of course as isolated incidents there was the accident in Tremblant 2 years ago, and whatever the hell happened last year.

I survived all of then physically, and more importantly my ego survived them, to the degree that once again, I'm preparing to tackle Ironman.

Right now I'm struggling to write this post because of my most recent challenge, but I felt it was important for me to do so.  I believe I will recover my enthusiasm, and that writing things down helps accelerate that process.

You see, it turns out this eye doctor does know what he's talking about.  I did my research.  Or rather I called sister Mary who did the research for me.

Before I elaborate on that however, let me digress for a minute to tell you about another one of the amazing siblings that I have been blessed with, in this case, the aforementioned second eldest, Mary.

You see I called Mary because she has worked for the same employer in the medical field for more than 40 freakin years!  But that's not the amazing part.  The real story of Mary's career is the incredible reputation she has earned, and the corresponding relationships she has built over that time. That's what allows her to call a professional friend in most any medical field and get an opinion. Thanks Mary!

And that's how I know that my eye doctor is considered quite skilled in his field in general, and that specific to my case his advice is sound.

And if I  take that advice it means that I will NOT delay my cataract surgery until after Ironman, and furthermore that I will miss a full 2 months of running and swimming, as well as several weeks of cycling between now and then!!  I'm afraid I have some tough decisions to make.

Fuck!

Last saturday I posted this quote, and told you how much I loved it....

"You're going to go through tough times - that's life. But I say, 'Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.' See the positive in negative events."---Joel Osteen

I can't very well take it back. 

But sometimes it takes a bit of time to find the silver lining and I'm not quite there yet.  Still trying to figure out why this is happening to me....whoops, I mean "for" me.  :)

And that's all I have for today.  I'm glad at least that I got this off my chest.  I will consider any words of advice.

computrainer 110 mins, 90 mins at 141 watts

"The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart."---Robert Green Ingersoll

Love
Peter

"Annoyed"

Life took a bit of a twist today, as it's want to do.

The eye doctor says I need cataract surgery, that it can't wait until september, and that I can't swim or run for a month afterwards.  To top that off, he wants to do both eyes separately, six weeks apart!

I'm a little annoyed!

Damn!  I'm not sure what to do?

I may just ignore him!  Doctors don't know everything!

And while my run today was a lame session, I was very pleasantly surprised by my swim.  I made a little change and it was very cool.  I swam 5 seconds/100 metres faster than usual, with less effort.  I was pretty pumped.

That was before the stupid eye doctor!!

swim 1300 metres, run 8 kms

...I had to read this one carefully but I think I got it....

"If we were faultless we should not be so much annoyed by the defects of those with whom we associate."---Francois Fenelon

Love
Peter