Is it a healthy thing for one to pour out their worries, fears and frustrations? I struggle with this question for a few reasons, not the least of which is wondering how it may affect others. I know the biggest struggle in my life is worrying about the happiness of those I love, and as such I am reluctant to burden them with my personal woes for fear that I will dampen their spirits, and in essence create a vicious circle. I just don't know.
The other consideration is the age old question of self fulfilling prophecies. I believe that for me, airing my pain brings me some relief, at least in the short term. But on the other hand, does talking about it make the fears a reality?? I just don't know.
And another question still on my mind, while probably less significant in the big picture, is still an uncertainty. That's about these eyes of mine. While I am generally feel quite content with my eyesight without correction, I do still find them quite sore at times, and I often have a headache by the evening. I worry that I 'm straining them. Certainly if I added glasses my overall eyesight would be spectacular, but I'm not ready to concede that yet. At the very least I will wait until I see the optometrist in a few weeks. For now, I just know.
Besides, I can now legally drive in Ontario without corrective lenses. For the first time in my 44 years of holding a permit!!!!! I went and got the asterisk removed from my license the other day. My vision was measured at 20/40 with 170 degrees of peripheral vision. The minimums are 20/50, and 120. The funny things is that at distance I can see better using my left eye only. I think because I am right eye dominant, and that is the eye programmed for close up sight, that it tends to try to take over even at distance. Certainly the right eye is the one that causes double lights at night.
But while the jury is still out long term I continue to be amazed at what I now have. I still laugh at myself several times a day as I adjust to not have the specs sitting on my face. Today I caught myself scrunching up my nose to reposition my glasses on my face. I also still try to take them off every night when I'm done reading, and I always slide my finger up my cheekbone and under the lens in order to scratch an itchy eye.
And along with the unlearning which I'm sure will come naturally, there is some intentional learning I need to do. The biggest single challenge for me will be to start wearing safety glasses when appropriate. It's already happened a few times that I got crap in my eyes, and I was always totally surprised.
Speaking of challenges, I am trying to type with one hand because the other one is tied up with something much more important! But I ain't complaining. I will happily be handicapped for as long as she's prepared to sit with me.
And that's all I got for today. Please think hard about my question, cause I really just don't know.
To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge."---Nicolaus Copernicus
"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well."---Robert Benchley
Love
Peter
The other consideration is the age old question of self fulfilling prophecies. I believe that for me, airing my pain brings me some relief, at least in the short term. But on the other hand, does talking about it make the fears a reality?? I just don't know.
And another question still on my mind, while probably less significant in the big picture, is still an uncertainty. That's about these eyes of mine. While I am generally feel quite content with my eyesight without correction, I do still find them quite sore at times, and I often have a headache by the evening. I worry that I 'm straining them. Certainly if I added glasses my overall eyesight would be spectacular, but I'm not ready to concede that yet. At the very least I will wait until I see the optometrist in a few weeks. For now, I just know.
Besides, I can now legally drive in Ontario without corrective lenses. For the first time in my 44 years of holding a permit!!!!! I went and got the asterisk removed from my license the other day. My vision was measured at 20/40 with 170 degrees of peripheral vision. The minimums are 20/50, and 120. The funny things is that at distance I can see better using my left eye only. I think because I am right eye dominant, and that is the eye programmed for close up sight, that it tends to try to take over even at distance. Certainly the right eye is the one that causes double lights at night.
But while the jury is still out long term I continue to be amazed at what I now have. I still laugh at myself several times a day as I adjust to not have the specs sitting on my face. Today I caught myself scrunching up my nose to reposition my glasses on my face. I also still try to take them off every night when I'm done reading, and I always slide my finger up my cheekbone and under the lens in order to scratch an itchy eye.
And along with the unlearning which I'm sure will come naturally, there is some intentional learning I need to do. The biggest single challenge for me will be to start wearing safety glasses when appropriate. It's already happened a few times that I got crap in my eyes, and I was always totally surprised.
Speaking of challenges, I am trying to type with one hand because the other one is tied up with something much more important! But I ain't complaining. I will happily be handicapped for as long as she's prepared to sit with me.
And that's all I got for today. Please think hard about my question, cause I really just don't know.
To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge."---Nicolaus Copernicus
"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well."---Robert Benchley
Love
Peter
I think its a very good question, with more than one answer. For some reason, i feel you already knew that. I think it is always healthy to do this, but when and with whom need to be considered. i dont buy the "self fulfilling" argument, and to the contrary, think sharing may often lead to some positive discussion that may improve the situation. As for when and with whom, that is the tough part. Do you tell your spouse about something you know about a childs behaviour when you know it will hurt your spouse deeply, or cause them great worry, especially if the thing you know of will be resolved and there is nothing that can be done to change it? Are you really protecting them from anything by doing this, or just being a martyr by trying to shoulder the worry yourself? There may be times when your worries and fears are best discussed with a professional instead of a loved one, but again, i think it is still healthy to do. Thats my two cents worth bro. As always, its great to hear from you and i love being provoked into thought like this.
ReplyDeletelove holij
I agree and find that I'm ALWAYS better off after talking, but I am selective about who and when. There are things I don't want my kids to worry about, so I find someone else. However, I've also experienced my kids rising to the occasion and appreciating discussion that I wasn't sure about. Anyone who loves you will let you know if it's hard. For me, I ALWAYS want to hear from you!
ReplyDeleteI know I'm late in posting this reply, but I'm doing it anyway. Perhaps I will just be an echo, but then I think it's worth echoing what both John and Elly have said. In my opinion, for what it's worth, talking things through is ALWAYS better than stewing about them. When we keep stuff in our own heads, we tend to get the same answers over and over; it often takes another perspective to bring clarity to our own thoughts. Kind of like what happened with your eyes; things got much clearer, as if some sheer curtain had been removed. The who question is the really hard one. John's right that a pro is sometimes the best choice, but I think that is something to turn to when the others don't work. You are loved and valued and you have people with whom you can share anything. Worrying about the impact your sharing will have on them is who you are, but you can't let it paralyze you. Sometimes that can become an excuse (your martyr comment) that ends up costing you big time. Think about your friends; sometimes someone a bit removed from the situation can bring that new perspective you need. We all love you!! Nothing you can tell any of us will change that.
ReplyDeleteLove, gail