And so of course I can't be inspirational either. Then again, if I were simply to decide to inspire myself, I'd be both wouldn't I?
But alas, I'm too damn lazy tonite. I had an emotional day on the Executor front, with one more coming tomorrow. It is taxing all of my skills to keep some semblance of peace, while at the same time managing the bureaucracy of dying. I spent a good deal of time today getting super organized on the second part, and I find that helps me to deal with the first.
It really is quite amazing when you mix grief with money matters. Perhaps it is human nature to react a bit selfishly when faced with these twin pressures. At least I have chosen to look at it that way, as it helps me not to get dragged down into the mire. I think all of the people involved are decent individuals, but the fact of the matter is that Sally was not just the glue that held it all together, she was also the decision maker. She left a void that others are trying to figure out how to fill.
Which gets me thinking again about my own situation, and whether I have done enough to support my children's independence, and done enough to make myself redundant. Certainly being a control freak is not a character trait that facilitates planned redundancy! And I also acknowledge a certain sense of self esteem that I get by being the only guy around here who 'knows stuff'!
And all of the above meanderings of my brain I believe are very healthy for me And if that is indeed the case, and if they are indeed triggered by the challenges of the death of a friend, and the accompanying task she has left me, then I guess I actually owe her some thanks. So thanks Sally....you bitch!! Just kidding sweetie!!
I know that reduced training levels has added some stress to my life as well, but slowly and surely I'm staring to creep back. Today was the first time I did anything on successive days, as I managed to run the block without too much aggravation. I still can't get my heart rate up to what I should be able to, but again, it's coming. Today I got it to 144, still some distance from the 160 I should be able to achieve. No such luck, but I'm satisfied for the moment. There's no rush for anything right now, other than to burn enough calories to compensate for my near insatiable appetite, and to trigger enough endorphins to keep the darkness away.
And lastly for today I wish to give a shout out to my partner who has single handedly carried her friend through nearly 3 years of dying, and gets little credit for it from those who should be the most grateful. While I know this has been tough on you hon, just remember what matters most...your friend and everything you shared for all those years, especially the last few. Other than that I say "fuck em all but six", as you will need those for your own pall bearers! And regardless, I'm pretty sure I can scare up six people who would only be too happy to carry your coffin somewhere. :)))
And it further occurs to me that I personally can just say, "fuck em all", since I'm donating my body to the uni, and thereby won't need any pall bearers :)))
run 7.5 kms
"The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.---Bertrand Russell
Love
Peter
But alas, I'm too damn lazy tonite. I had an emotional day on the Executor front, with one more coming tomorrow. It is taxing all of my skills to keep some semblance of peace, while at the same time managing the bureaucracy of dying. I spent a good deal of time today getting super organized on the second part, and I find that helps me to deal with the first.
It really is quite amazing when you mix grief with money matters. Perhaps it is human nature to react a bit selfishly when faced with these twin pressures. At least I have chosen to look at it that way, as it helps me not to get dragged down into the mire. I think all of the people involved are decent individuals, but the fact of the matter is that Sally was not just the glue that held it all together, she was also the decision maker. She left a void that others are trying to figure out how to fill.
Which gets me thinking again about my own situation, and whether I have done enough to support my children's independence, and done enough to make myself redundant. Certainly being a control freak is not a character trait that facilitates planned redundancy! And I also acknowledge a certain sense of self esteem that I get by being the only guy around here who 'knows stuff'!
And all of the above meanderings of my brain I believe are very healthy for me And if that is indeed the case, and if they are indeed triggered by the challenges of the death of a friend, and the accompanying task she has left me, then I guess I actually owe her some thanks. So thanks Sally....you bitch!! Just kidding sweetie!!
I know that reduced training levels has added some stress to my life as well, but slowly and surely I'm staring to creep back. Today was the first time I did anything on successive days, as I managed to run the block without too much aggravation. I still can't get my heart rate up to what I should be able to, but again, it's coming. Today I got it to 144, still some distance from the 160 I should be able to achieve. No such luck, but I'm satisfied for the moment. There's no rush for anything right now, other than to burn enough calories to compensate for my near insatiable appetite, and to trigger enough endorphins to keep the darkness away.
And lastly for today I wish to give a shout out to my partner who has single handedly carried her friend through nearly 3 years of dying, and gets little credit for it from those who should be the most grateful. While I know this has been tough on you hon, just remember what matters most...your friend and everything you shared for all those years, especially the last few. Other than that I say "fuck em all but six", as you will need those for your own pall bearers! And regardless, I'm pretty sure I can scare up six people who would only be too happy to carry your coffin somewhere. :)))
And it further occurs to me that I personally can just say, "fuck em all", since I'm donating my body to the uni, and thereby won't need any pall bearers :)))
run 7.5 kms
"The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.---Bertrand Russell
Love
Peter
Good post bro
ReplyDeleteLove hoj
Love it all! Man, you hit the nail on the head about families and death and money -- it's an awful mix! And I'm sure Sally is watching and sending good thoughts. One final echo to your post: your wife is an amazing person who did amazing things during Sally's dying. Which she would have done weven if others had been around, I'm sure. Hugs to you both.
ReplyDeleteLove, gail;