"Feeling Better Already"

I was the second guy in line at the lab to get my blood work done this morning.  Then went to the X-ray place but it wasn't open yet, so I bought myself a coffee and a donut, then after driving the kids to school went back and got the chest thing out of the way.  Then back home and got my run in.

And all before noon!

Then I ate lunch and had a nap!

Then I didn't feel so good anymore!

But I'm holding on to this mornings feeling because I know it may still take a bit of time to get back into the groove, despite my rewound attitude.

So the plan for the next little while is simply to start getting more consistent.  I'll continue to run every second day while gradually stretching out a longer one every week, and on alternate days just ride relatively easy.  Probably just as important is that I start getting back to the pool regularly, and to compliment that I need to start doing my shoulder stretches every damn day, and also some light weights twice a week. 

I think that above all else I need to maintain my attitude.  I have this general feeling of malaise which I believe is as much a result of age and cancer treatments as anything else, and I need to come to terms with that.  Things like this aching shoulder, my constantly dry throat, and my blurred vision all seem to contribute.  I will try to treat the symptoms as best I can, and not let my mind wander beyond that.  After all, I have to remember that I was feeling quite good until I had one bad day in August, and then I let things unravel from there.

As a side note I must tell you about my experience this morning with the medical community.  Both the lab and the X-ray place are privately run businesses.  In neither case did I need an appointment!  In neither case did I have to fill out any paperwork!  And in neither case was I in there for more than 15 minutes!!  Try to match that at your local hospital!  And although I am a very strong supporter of publicly funded, universal health care, I think it is so clear that there has to be an element of private enterprise involved in order to maintain efficiency, and to lower costs.  In my next life I'm gonna work on this problem! 

And while more difficult than I would like (isn't it always) my run was never the less gratifying.  I managed to up the pace a little bit, and while I gave myself permission to cut my 12 kms short if necessary, I ended up not needing the option.  It was also the first hat and mitt day of the year, and there's something special about running in the cold.  I like it!

I do continue to be a little frustrated with a technical problem with my HRM.  It generally works not too badly, but I have periods where it just goes out to lunch.  I have tried every technical suggestion I can find and still it screws up.  One last option is to make sure that my shirts don't have static electricity in them by using a fabric softener. That of course will also mean that I need to wash them once in a while :) We shall see.  

run 12 kms, 5:07/km

"Some people regard private enterprise as a predatory tiger to be shot. Others look on it as a cow they can milk. Not enough people see it as a healthy horse, pulling a sturdy wagon."---Winston Churchill

Love

Peter

"Time Machine"

My computer has this function (I think they all do) where I can set everything back to a time before everything went to hell.  You only use it of course when everything goes to hell, and when you can't seem to figure out anything else.  That's what I'm gonna do!

But not with my computer.  Hell, I don't even know how to work that feature and would probably just end up throwing the whole thing away if it screwed up bad enough.

But while I don't know dick all about computers I know everything theres is to know about attitudes, having had one my entire life.

I'm setting my attitude back to some time in early september.  At that point I was pretty well over the emotional trauma of my Ironman debacle, and I was starting to regain my positive outlook, not to mention that my workouts were getting back to "normal".  It was at about the same time that I went to see the doctor and started learning about all these things that are wrong with me.  I got heart block!  I got high blood pressure!  I got thyroid problems!...yadda, yadda, yadda!  I had an ECG, a stress test, 2  ultrasounds, an Xray, and several blood tests.

And what do I really know after all that? As my old friend use to say I knew the square root of fuck all.

Seen the doc again today and told him I'm going off the thyroid stuff, even though the tests indicate a small dosage may be good for me.  Blood pressure was high again in his office but I don't give a shit. I know it ain't always high.... so there!  He gave me a puffer for my cough but I think it was just to shut me up about that.  He listened to my lungs and said they sounded fine.  I'm still thinking about whether I'm gonna use the puffer since it's clearly intended for asthma or COPD, neither of which I have.  He wants to do a chest x-ray and so I'm gonna humour him.  He will also do one more blood test to check my cortisol levels, but only because I told him that Cory thought it was a good idea.

So tomorrow I'm gonna get those two things done, and then I'm sending my attitude back!  It's time to get on with life, and if I learned anything over the last 2 months it was that, "it's all bullshit"!

Michaels comment from the other day just keeps playing over and over ago in my head.  "Maybe we should all just stop worrying"  Game on!!

More tomorrow about my immediate workout plans.  I am very determined to get on with it.

Computrainer 90 mins, 60 mins @144 watts

"My father taught me many years ago not to believe my own bullshit.”--- John Rolfe

Love

Peter

"Anticipation"

Doctor tomorrow morning, and while I look forward to hopefully getting off these drugs, I will settle for some solution for this cough.  I don't even recall the last time I had a cold, but can tell you for sure that it was at least 7 years ago.  For all intents and purposes I haven't been sick for even a day since my cancer.  I suppose that streak has spoiled me, because I just hate feeling this way.

run 10 kms, slow

"There is one consolation in being sick; and that is the possibility that you may recover to a better state than you were ever in before."---Henry David Thoreau

Love
Peter

"I Called The Doctor"

And the doctor called me!

I had enough of this cough so I called an made an appointment.

Within 15 minutes his office called me saying he wanted to see me about my blood work.

Actually I had anticipated this, but I was still glad to get the call because it tells me that he at least looks at the results when they come in, but further to that he probably has something to discuss.  I will be very surprised if he doesn't tell me to go off the drugs, that he told me to go on 2 months ago.

And when he does that, and when he gives me more drugs to get rid of this chest problem, then I'm gonna feel like a million bucks!!  Guaranteed!!

Actually I would settle for just feeing normal!  And yes.  I know.  There I go with the "normal" thing again!!

I decided to take the day off as I was still pretty sore from my 18 kms.  And while some people may consider it normal to be sore after 18 kms, I consider it stupid!

The highlight of my day was a call from my son Jonathan.  Who would have thought that the guy that has caused me more anxiety than the rest of the world put together, would now be such an inspiration in my life!!  I always worry less about stupid shit after I talk to him.

And Michael, no I don't currently give much energy to worry about you, but only because it's not your turn :)

"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away."---George Carlin

"Maybe we should all just stop worrying...."---Michael W Rooyakkers PhD (almost)

Love
Peter

"I Don't Like Mondays"

It's funny how the brain still remembers Monday even when you no longer go to work.  I suppose there's all kinds or other reminders though.  I discovered one of them this morning when I went to get my blood work done.  I went right after I dropped the kids at school, and yet there were 18 people ahead of me. Apparently that's a typical money morning problem.  I happen to know that if you go online you can book a time and get priority over the walk ins, but It never seemed worth it.  It was quite amusing however to listen to the grumbling from people who weren't aware of this option, as they watched others walk in and get served right away.  Too funny!

Then I went running, and while I survived my 18 kms, it also felt like Monday.  I guess I get greedy real quick.  I wanted to feel right back to normal even as I increase distances, but I can see it's gonna take time to build back up.  Then again, it is Monday!

I spent the rest of my day trying to figure out how to stop worrying about my children, a habit bordering on insanity.  My protective instincts are often out of line with the specific concern, and I don't know what to do about it.  My brain tells me that everything will be fine, but the very thought of one of them experiencing any pain brings on emotions that I find overwhelming.  God grant me.....

run 18 kms, 5:30/km 

"The dog doesn't know the difference between Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, so I have to walk the dog early those days too."---Donna Shalala

Love
Peter

"It Was 10 PM"

But for some reason it felt a lot like 11 when I crawled under the covers and suddenly remembered that I hadn't written a blog post.  The choices were to get up and go to my computer, or try to post with my stupid old iPad, neither of which appealed to me.  I said screw it!

60 mins computrainer, 30 mins @ 177 watts

"Miserable is a good thing, though. If you start the day miserable, nobody else can screw up your day."---Jake Roberts
Love
Peter

"Whaddaya do?"

When you open the tap and nothing comes out??

Oh we are so conditioned eh?  And spoiled I suppose.

Even though you know you have a problem, and you know no one has fixed it, your routine of going  to the tap is so strong that it takes some time to sink in.  And the damn toilet don't work either!  Well it works once actually....

But you finally figure it out.....

Nothing's coming out of the tap.

I remember the big power outage of 2003.  Although I was the boss I had left work for the day because there was not a damn thing I could do.  Back at home I went from pool pump. to water tap, to light switch, to furnace. to microwave, to television, to computer etc, etc.  It took several hours to sink in.

And this morning.....nothing was coming out of the tap.  And the source of the problem was more than 200 feet underground!

After a bit of investigation I narrowed it down to either the pump itself (200 ft down), or the capacitor that sits on the wall in the basement. Unfortunately I didn't have the tools or the know-how to go further.

So I call the man who's number is on the box, not for a second thinking he may still be in business.    He drilled the well some 20 years ago.

His wife answered the phone!!  John would call me right back!!

To make a long story short, John Wilson of JB Wilson and Sons Well Drilling remembered putting my well in in 1993!!  He would be right out!!

It took him 10 minutes to figure out that it was the control box, not the pump.  Phew!!

And although I admit I was relieved, I was pretty happy with the way I dealt with it.  I stayed relaxed and already had a plan mapped out in my head as to how to manage for a few days without water.....Oh and did I mention....without heat?  Yes indeed, our water system also supplies our furnace, and it felt a lot like November this morning!

Anyway thanks John for saving the day!

And the moral of the story?  When things get old they stop working!  And there ain't a damn thing you're gonna do about it!!  Get used to it!

I had already forgotten the lesson when I went out for my short run after John left.  I started out too fast trying to cope with the cold NW wind, and ended up needing a couple of walk breaks.  Things stop working when they get old.  Get used to it!!

run 7.3 kms

"Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it."---Lao Tzu

"Thousands have lived without love, not one without water."---W. H. Auden

Love

Peter